How did you change yourself?
Here’s a thought experiment for you.
You enter a room with one hundred people waiting for you to expose an important keynote.
Lights turn on; they raise from their chairs to openly welcome you.
You smile, touched by their reception.
And then proceed to drop the bombshell.
“I have pictures of each of you from ten years ago that I’ll proceed to display on screen, many of them quite embarrassing.
I got a hold of these pictures through your contact info on social media.
Raise your hands if you don’t want me to show yours.
How many do you think will raise it? I bet you at least ninety.
And if you asked me personally about three to four years ago, I would have been one of them for sure.
Many of us don’t like to look at our past selves.
We made mistakes, lots of them.
We weren’t cool.
We weren’t up to the standards that we currently set on a daily basis.
Maybe you didn’t feel comfortable in your skin.
I didn’t, at the very least.
Seven months into my mother’s pregnancy, I supposedly got bored of sitting my butt inside the womb, and the medical crew came to the rescue during a C-section.
Reason being, my left foot wasn’t developing properly, and I needed surgery as soon as possible.
Little Charles came to the world with different shoe sizes, and with a whole baggage of “I’m gonna need plenty of surgeries if you guys want me walking around normally.
If it wasn’t enough, not only was my left foot shorter, but my leg was also not buying into the whole “growing” thing.
With 5 centimeters shorter than its counterpart, I needed correction by the time I was in school, and thus, I was able to walk without any problems…
Problem fixed? Maybe not.
Fact is, I couldn’t do more than that.
Running was a bit of a problem, a hassle that I foregone concluded to be best avoided when possible.
Not being able to do sports, together with more than a reasonable dose of calories in my diet made me chubby, not athletic enough to hold my ground in the court just as my classmates, and you know how a kid feels when he’s left out.
It made me angry, a bit resentful, but more so motivated to work a way around my predicament.
“I want a six pack,” my seventh-grade self-thought.
Girls were starting not to look as cootie monsters but as something to be attracted towards, so you can guess I didn’t miss the chance to jump on the athletic guys that were socially savvy enough to hold a conversation with them to ask what’s the deal.
“You need to lose the fat around your belly, Charles.
And you need to train your abs as well.
And boy, my thought process on that sentence must have been skewed as hell, because I went balls to the wall on that train without reading the file for safety precautions first.
I did sit-ups, ab crunches, and push-ups before I went to sleep.
I ate less.
I was on track to have abs.
Fast forward a few months, I’m weighing 41 kilograms at five foot six in height.
That’s a BMI of 14.
Where the hell did we go wrong people?
For starters, in my strives to fit in with others, I developed this weird eating disorder that left me with no more than 800 calories a day!
I wasn’t taking nutrients into account, because what do you expect a kid to understand about health when he’s trying to do everything to lean down because of his insecurities, so you bet those 800 calories weren’t even good ones to start.
My family told me I looked like a holocaust survivor, and why wouldn’t they? I was about to disappear through my clothes.
So, last surgery happens, they weight me, everyone’s eyes shockingly stuck on the scale, and doctor Jacob’s words are crystal:
“Charles, you are anorexic.
You need to change something and fast.
You keep this up for two months, and I won’t even be sure if you’ll still be with us.
I knew, at the time, that anorexia was commonly associated with girls.
Last I had heard, guys don’t usually suffer from eating disorders, nor did they struggle with demons beneath their skin.
It shocked me senseless.
Just after the appointment, I remember my mom gave me this big package of chocolate, and I made it disappear without any complaints in the amount of time it took you to say hi.
I faced a dilemma, however: I wanted to stay skinny.
I didn’t want to binge on food to suddenly be fat once more.
So, for a couple of months, I stood in-between this weird cycle of eating and fasting that, even if it was one step ahead in the right direction, it was also another derail just like the one I had mistakenly taken for correct long once ago.
I assisted psychiatrist sessions.
They didn’t help.
I kept drinking water before my weigh-ins with the docs, bullshiting myself, and many others.
Nothing seemed to strike a chord inside.
I changed psychiatrist, and then it happened.
“Charles, my boy, why don’t you go to the gym? If it bothers you so much to gain fat, then why don’t you try another angle? Put on some muscle mass!”
I remember to this day the moment my mother paid me a gym membership at the ripe age of sixteen.
I was happy like you wouldn’t believe.
On the football court, I was the guy with the weird foot, the guy that couldn’t run properly, the one that slowed the team down.
In here, I was just like any other.
Skinny as hell, but hey, more power to me, I was getting encouraged by others to start changing.
And I got hungry, both physically and mentally.
I researched on bodybuilding forums on proper dieting, proper protocols for exercise, training routines, what foods to eat, what foods to avoid, protein powders, the whole deal.
It also helped my best friend joined the gym with me.
It turned the whole activity into an amusement park for both of us.
Five years later, I’m eighteen kilograms bigger, almost all muscle mass.
I did my first photoshoot, posted the journey on Facebook.
People thought I was taking steroids, ha.
I soon got into self-development, and through the journey that starts with minds such as Tony Robbins and Victor Frankl, I dived deeper into the industry of health, into what was out there that assured your overall well-being, your longevity.
I tried out veganism.
I’m currently trying pescatarian as an experiment.
I started coaching people on nutrition, fitness, and health.
I had invested so much time reading about those topics, scientific literature included, that I decided to allow myself to coach others to become healthier, better individuals.
I started a Youtube channel, and I’ve slowly but surely built a community of people that take an interest in their journey, in a culture of self-respect for their bodies.
And that’s the staple of my journey:
Help others just as I helped myself to become the best possible versions of themselves.
At the time of this being published, I’m a size 32 (Europe Size) on my left, while my right stands at a perceptibly higher 42 in scale.
I have never been happier with how I look.
I made myself an ultimatum — I would either change, or I would die.
As a child, I suffered from
Okey, so today I was at office by 9 am.
If you had seen me any day until upto two years ago, being in office by 9 am was an unimaginable task for not only me but to my team of 8.
We all stepped in only after 10 am rain or shine and that’s something we took immense pride in.
Although we kept receiving innumerable complaints that only our lane was desserted when the entire floor was able to keep up with the office timings, we never heeded.
Even when our boss created a whatsapp group to take attendance, it only became our grounds for creative proxy and infinite reasons to escape her wrath.
We thought she would see through our late night stay backs and the weekend work we put when there is need and will give in someday soon.
But our Thai boss seems to have taken this a challenge to tame the corporate beasts, beacause last Thursday, she said We will be charged if we dont mend our ways and She actually came to our desks to collect 2–10$ depending upon when we clocked.
We did what we knew best – threw tantrums, peaved about our petite salaries but she was just as relentless.
We wept in a corner, complained to our spouses/kids and some even to their distant relatives on how we worked at a gruesome workplace.
So today when I entered the office at 8:58 am, beaming with victory, thinking I would be the first to come in and evade the fine, I see my team already in happily chirping and welcoming me with more laughter.
At 9:15 when my boss entered, she gave us a hearty smile, one that is devoid of the villain we generally see and the one that actually conveys us to see ourselves
that we can do it too, provided we set our mind to it.
I would talk a bit about myself 4-5 years from now .
I was a school going girl.
Everything in life was good.
I had my regular timetable.
I was ambivert, enjoyed school with my tiny friend circle, was a bit indisciplined but naive, fun loving and care free.
Those were the days I didn't bother about anything.
I got admitted to college and that was a changing place for me.
First year, I made many friends, I participated in different activities,that I never cared to do in school.
I could find friends who pointed out the bad in me and that helped me to check out myself.
There were few who would insult for not having some common knowledge that everybody had (because I always did things I loved).
And then it started , I started noticing good qualities in people and started following them.
There were days I really felt pity on myself for not realising these things long before, but then life can take a hard turn and that's were the bright days starts.
At least I believed in that.
In my second year I got a bf, from there the actual changes starts.
He would never force me, never point and neither judge.
He would always motivate me in ways and that lit the fire inside me.
We would have endless discussions on topics.
I would ask him all sorts of questions about GK, Books, movies etc and he would show great interest in helping me learn them.
Encourage me to try out all sort of things and take every kind of risks.
Fast forward to 4 years :-
I have grown myself into a very confident lady.
I don't fear anything in life now.
I have enough patience to pass every bad thing that life throws on me.
I have stopped judging people based on anything.
And the best part is not to look down on others and be more humble and modest.
Change happens through experience.
Life itself is one enormous experience composed of thousands of smaller ones, so of course, I've already changed a lot.
Thank you so much for reading! – AaZam IdriSi
I still haven’t changed myself.
You can say that I’m still in a processing stage.
At a time…
Loneliness , sleeplessness , anxiety, fear of future bounded me from all the sides, I didn’t know what to do.
Just lisentened to songs which helped me to divert myself.
Being a kind of introvert and a girl with whom you’ll find less topics to talk with made me feel lonely and drowned me into the well of loneliness.
One day I just couldn’t control and in the middle of the night, just walked down to my parents room and started crying my throat out without any reason.
I told them everything that was going on in my life and the next day they decided to take me to a psychiatrist.
The psychiatrist asked me some general questions and prescribed me some medicines.
I started taking those medicines almost for 2–3 weeks and paid another visit to the clinic.
He made some changes in the medicines which me and my mom did not notice for almost a week.
Before taking a new prescribed medicine everything was going on kind of smoothly but after taking that medicine things changed.
I started becoming violent, smashing and throwing things around after which I became a kind of dead body with all my senses switched on.
Then my parents decided to take to another psychiatrist who prescribed some other medicines which I’m continuing with.
There are a number of things that changed me (all these things happened before taking that new medicine and after stopping it)
I realised that the people which I thought were avoiding me weren’t avoiding me, it was all in my mind.
The people included some of my friends and family members.
I started to mingle with other people and started to develop a kind of confidence in myself.
I started to dress up properly according to the occasion and started grooming myself properly.
I am too feeling literally Happy from the past few days.
One of the thing was definitely medicines
The other thing was my long distance friend.
The days from my past when I started feeling lonely, I downloaded an anonymous app.
I met him there.
We started from a simple chat then calls and video calls (btw my parents know about him).
He listened to all my problems and helped me solve them.
He helped me gain my self confidence and always supported me.
We have been talking to each other since 9 long months.
Another credit I would like to my soul sister who always listened to me.
And definitely to my parents❤️
I did not used to be a girly kind of girl.
I honestly tell you that I didn’t have any sense of clothing and fashion.
Then my parents made me join grooming classes which also help me build up my self confidence.
I’m really grateful to that lady to made me believe in myself.
No one would believe but I hated my face to be captured but now I started clicking pictures and recently joined Instagram.
The fear of getting judged is also slowly fading.
And now I promise myself that I will become a confident and independent girl in the upcoming years.
Thanks for reading
I will divide my answer into three parts.
I have been an introvert, only talking to those who are closest to me.
Ridiculous sense of humor and extreme selflessness were my top qualities, as if I was born to help others.
My family life has been a total wreck, the only major reason why I would break down and cry every now and then.
Gradually, I filtered out my friends, keeping only the best ones close.
About relationship, I had a strong philosophy of having only one partner throughout my entire life, whom I'll marry, tour 20 countries with, make music with, learn new things with, eat every ice cream in the world with.
I dreamt of dedicating my life to her and both our families.
I'd never had any contact with girls (except students) until the age of 25, despite them trying to reach out to me.
I've always been a technically thinking guy, away from fantasy and trendy talks, so there was no chance I could ever engage in a convo with girls for more than 5 minutes.
THE REASON BEHIND THE CHANGE
At the age of 25, I was still struggling with family issues and loneliness, but I had some control over depression.
One of my female students, let's call her P, started chatting A LOT with me.
I did musical shows that went on till 1am, and she would stay awake till then so that she could talk to me.
I made her laugh, shared my own songs with her, and she felt special and made me feel special too.
Few weeks later, she started sex chatting every night.
I wasn't familiar with such talks, so I tried to ignore it, but she started calling me stupid for not understanding those things.
I told her that I was saving it for the one who I'll marry, and she was like, “meh”.
A couple of month later she confessed that she is very serious about having a relationship with me.
I told her that I'll accept ONLY if it will last forever.
She seemed to be true, so I accepted.
Later, she got physical with me and sexually excited me all the time.
I TOLD her that I had never done it before, and I would ONLY do it if we marry in the future.
So after 2 months of sexual contentment on both sides, she gradually distanced me and said that she needs a “pause”.
Being the generous idiot that I am, I gave her the pause for 3 months.
In that duration, I learnt that she got back with her ex, and they slept together almost every night.
I asked her, why? Then she shamelessly said that her ex used to beat the crap out of her, and she was too upset and wanted someone to pamper her.
So she got along with me for some time, giving her ex some time on his own to clam the heck down.
She said that he beat her because he really loved her.
So then she heartlessly waved me goodbye.
Whatever favors her ex had done for her in 2 years, I've done much more for her in 2 months.
I don't expect anything in return, but at least she could be grateful? Eh? This broke me down into pieces, and there wasn't any aspect of my life that went good.
Depression, Anxiety, Alcoholism.
Every morning I woke up, I wonder how am I still alive.
After several months of depression and extreme loneliness, I learned on numerous occasions that people have selective memory, though I still have never approached girls on my own.
They only want to think about what they want to.
They only think about favors done by their favorite people.
No matter if you rip your heart out in front of them, they'll tell you, “gosh, that guy brought a chocolate for me, so beautiful.
” So I have given up on my dreams and no longer am I expecting anybody to stay.
Now, all the girls who approach me and try to get too close to me, I let them, they wanna sleep with me, I let them, they wanna go, I let them.
That girl P has already made me feel like a male prostitute, so what difference does it make anyways.
This has helped me dispose the junk of marriage and relationship from my mind forever, so that I have more time for music.
I have become much calmer (compared to before) because I've already gone through heavy trauma, so it feels ‘not so significant’ now.
I've started caring more for my parents and my sister.
Of course I have a couple of best friends, but they gonna marry soon and never look back, so screw it all.
You cannot get It through your effort.
But you will not get It without effort either.
empty yourself, and
leave the rest to Grace.
~ Acharya Ji
Celebrate this Christmas, with the Master!
Advait Learning Camp
The Pink city, Jaipur
22nd – 25th Dec'18
Be Really Blessed❄
I am an Indian guy, studying in a premier engineering college of India, the reason I am going anonymous because my school friends are on Quora and I think they would judge.
Now to answer the question.
During School Days:
During my college Days:
Thanks for reading answer, as this is my first anonymou answer, feel free to comment on anything.
This is me from my first year of Engineering , 2016.
9:00 pm I woke up from my nap and the next day I had 2 exams for both of which I had not studied.
Not studying was the popular choice that night it seemed, because all the faces I saw at dinner were groggy eyed and sleep deprived from the 2 sleepless nights before for the 4 exams in 48 hours.
The next two were the last, this was the last of the “sleepless nights trilogy”.
So we(me and my studymate) started studying at 10:00 pm and after cracking lame jokes at our situation and realising how screwed we were that we had not even attended a single class of these subjects, we started serious study 45 mins later.
Notes and all the “mugging” material was very easy to arrange.
At around 11:45 we realised that we have time left only for one subject , so we decided to prepare this one well enough and then leave the other subject to the will of gods.
(which also was a popular option that night!)
This was new to me, I had never ever studied at the last minute rather I was the kind of person who gets nervous if he hasn’t revised twice.
So, obviously this was freaking me out but I had made a choice to see what it was like to study this way hence I was determined to stick to my resolve.
We finished that subject at 3:00 finally and decided to go to bed and wake up at 6:00 to finish off some remaining tidbits in the final mugging.
As I was going to sleep trying to balance my emotions between sccared, anxious, frightened, panicking , I saw that coldplay had launched a new song “something just like this”.
I loved it.
It was the perfect song.
It made my thoughts drift and after a little dazed pondering I realised that this was the way to give a test.
Anyone can give a test and pass with good grades if he has been studying for a lifetime before it and all he does is study, but to pass one like this is a challenge that has a very strong adrenaline rush associated with it.
This is the way which actually tests your intelligence and creativity by giving the minimum possible time and resources and then applying them in the exam for the first time almost like improv acting.
The rush you get is unmatchable, the first couple of tests I gave in to the panic attacks and by luck I just passed in them but then curiosity makes you wonder what if you didn’t gave in to those panic attacks and treat fear as a choice, then maybe you realise that there is nothing to lose.
Once you realise that there is nothing to lose you just take the challenge like a piece of clay and use your knowledge from whatever experience you may have to make it into a jar or atleast try to make it into something that might pass as a piece of pottery.
That thinking right there, is the one that makes you an engineer and not giving 192 exams in 4 years with all the time in the world to prepare for them because the person who studied for the tests is a scholar on paper, but the one who didn’t and still passed probably is an artist, a musician, a writer, a better engineer because in the time that he was not studying he was probably actually engineering something be it a sketch, a poem, a piece of music, or circuit that wasn’t made on paper.
Happy Engineering! Keep Spreading smile
Work on these 4 things and you'll definitely change yourself to the best version of yourself :
Self Esteem :
In simple words, self-esteem is how we look our-self.
How can you expect others to love you, to respect you, to care for you when you yourself are not loving, respecting and caring for yourself? How can you expect a happy life if you are not willing to take care of yourself only? If you'll not raise yourself even in your sight how'll you be raised in front of the world? For everyone out there, you all are very handsome, you all are so beautiful, you all can achieve what you dream.
Just raise yourself in your sight only, that will contribute a lot to your success and you'll be raised for the world too.
Use mobiles but don't let them use you :
How many hours do we spend on mobile phones in a week on an average ? Ask yourself the same question and you'll get the answer, which'll somehow surprise you.
I am not saying at all to quit all those Facebook, Instagram, YouTube etc.
I know it is not practical.
Even I am in a dilemma that do I need to give up on all these for next one and a half year to get an All India Rank under 100 in GATE 2020?
Let's come on the main topic.
If we are liking the posts of our friends on Facebook and Instagram , if we are looking for some kind of relevant material out there , if we are watching some YouTube videos for the entertainment or knowledge point of view ( like BB , TEDx etc ).
It will hardly take half an hour or 45 minutes for it.
And there's nothing much wrong in it.
But what we actually do is pick up the phone again and again in every 15-20 minutes , checking the news feed again and again, watching the same useless YouTube videos.
1st , then 2nd , then 3rd.
then 10th .
( If it's exceeding 10th then you really need to get on the track and mind it , it is going to be really tough for you ).
We can't even imagine , how many hours we are ruining each day due to this.
Most of the times we know and our mind also don't allow us to do it but still, we do it because we are addicted towards it.
We really need to get out of this and again saying there's nothing wrong with fb , insta , youtube .
Only problem we have is the lack of self discipline and lack of self control .
Practice them and you'll easily get over it.
TAKE REGULAR BREAKS , BUT DON'T LET THEM BREAK YOUR LINK :
Say you woke up early morning , studied seriously hard for 4 hours.
Then took a half an hour break and the next time you came to your study table was in the night or even the next morning.
What happened is , you made the half an hour break .
a 8-10 hour break.
And how does it happen .
It happens when we become so satisfied with our-self on studying for just 4 hours that we forget to come back and study more.
Either we go out for chilling up with friends or hide in the huge mere of mobile phone or sleep like it's the 3'O clock in the night.
If you're thinking that 4 hours study ( it's not only about studies, you can put anything here regarding your field ) is sufficient then you're wrong.
You won't get anything big with this 4 hours only.
Hence either don't take breaks in between but that will be tough for you .
So , change the things or activities you do in your break time .
Do anything which don't totally distract you from your goal.
And eventually learn to be more self disciplined , it won't allow you to distract much.
GET OVER UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS :
There is nothing more distracting and saddening than the unhealthy relationships.
It can be any kind of relationship , either with your family , your partner , your friends or colleagues .
But you all know it well that the relationship with our partners ie between a boyfriend-girlfriend are mostly unhealthy.
But for now, if you're in an unhealthy relationship and you also have some serious major lifelong goals ( I'll repeat – some serious , major lifelong goals ) with the same partner .
Then either fix it or give up on it.
Point is if you can't break the relationship , then fix it anyhow and if you can't fix it , give up on it as soon as possible.
But don't live in an unhealthy relationship.
It will badly affect you everywhere and will never let you be happy.
5 months ago:
People stormed out of my life saying these things:
And in the end, you will come to understand that their leaving was a gift- April green.
One of the biggest lessons I have learnt in my life, is to NOT expect anything from anyone.
When you have high expectations, there is a higher tendency to feel crushed when your needs are not met.
However once you lower your expectations, it will be easier to deal with failure.
This took me a good 30+ years to actually absorb.
When you help people, don't expect them to return the favor —hell, most wont even remember you once they are done with you.
The same is with family, relatives etc.
Children these days, are taught to be shrewd, to be emotionless—this is to toughen them against the cruel ways of the world which they will inadvertently face one day or the other.
Being kind and selfless means one is easy, gullible and can be taken for a ride.
The world nowadays revolves on a opportunistic base and I don't think this will change any day.
However, I still believe in kindness and generosity.
It’s just that I have stopped expecting that in return.
When I was younger, this would eat me up and now, I genuinely don't give a fuck about it.
In this way, I have definitely changed.