Do parents have the right to read their childs diary

Do parents have the right to read their child's diary?


No.
Nope.
No.

This happened to me.
It wasn’t with my parents, but my friends.

It happened yesterday.
I went over to a friend’s house to have a sleepover.
The four of us on a Saturday night.

I brought my journal with me because if my mom cleaned my room while I was away, I didn’t want her to find it.
My friends knew I brought it.
They knew that I wrote really personal things in there.
They knew what a complete and utter violation of my privacy it was.

And yet when the lights were turned off and I was listening to videos on my phone, along with my other friend, the two of them sat on the floor mattress and started whispering.

My headphones fell off.
When I reached over to put them back on, that’s when I heard snippets of their conversation
“Is she asleep?”
“Did she notice?”
“Do you think we should turn on the lights?”
My greatest fear hit me in the chest.
I sat upright, panic flooding through my body.
My three friends turned towards me.

“I… I need my inhaler.
.
” I stammered, getting out of bed and rummaging for though my backpack, NOT looking for my inhaler.
When what I was looking for wasn't there, I turned around, feeling very weak and light-headed.

“Oh my gosh guys… no…” I breathed.
I leaned against the dresser for support while my two friends broke out into nervous giggles, trying to hide the book.

My friend that was sitting on the bed with me, oblivious to what was happening walked over and turned on the light.
“What happened?”
Then we both saw the unmistakable blue cover of my journal.

“I brought that so my parents wouldn’t read it, and this is what you guys do?” I said, hearing my voice crack.

One of my friends tried to justify their actions
“It was too dark to read, so we just looked at your drawings” She said.

My friend and I walked out of the room where I sat quietly on the sofa hugging my knees.

Then I walked back in and fell asleep.

So the answer is no.
NO you SHOULD NOT read your child’s journal.
It’s a complete and utter violation of their privacy.

I lost my friends’ trust that day, and they will never get it back.

You don’t want to lose your child’s trust like that.

Trust me.
I know.



I just got one for my 9 year old.
I also got one for myself as I do believe in writing out things, just never did it before.
I try and not order her to do things but set an example.

I made it very clear that this is private stuff.
I had no intention on reading hers.
It has a lock on it even.

Well long story short as I was eating breakfast this morning it was just siting there.
We have just come back from an amazing vacation.
I was curious as to her take on it.

So I believe what I did was wrong and I’m a hypocrite for reading it.
I’ll say that first.

But I was appalled at what she has been writing.
She’s lying to me and wrote some very hurtful things.
Now mind you everyone thinks she’s the perfect little child.
I mean nobody’s perfect but she’s very well behaved and a lot of parents want her to have sleepovers as they say with her there’s no drama (I guess after a few hours a lot of kids start to fight).
She does great in school and again is very well behaved.

Lying is one of the big ones that she knows is exceedingly wrong and her mother and I will come down hard on that.
So I just found out she’s lying to me.
Again I lied too as I said I wouldn’t read it so I have no excuse for that.

Also again she wrote some very hurtful things.

Now I’m not one of the big Quora writers.
Most of what I write gets little to none views which is ok as I enjoy writing.
I mention this only because I write a lot about prison and am an ex convict and have one crazy life.

My point with that is, my daughter has a life that I never would have dreamed of; ever.
Honestly my wife could say the same though she had a stable life and is as straight as an arrow but she grew up in poverty in South America.

So we both make sure she has everything possible to ensure she has a good life.

And now I find out she’s not the person, well I don’t know what to think.
I sit here stunned.

So I believe children have a right to privacy but on the other hand I think it’s good to know what’s really going on.
A crooked tree can be fixed much easier as a sapling than a grown tree.

Only problem is I have no idea how to handle this.

As with everything in life, it’s not so easy as black and white.


Nope.
This false “I just care so much” is a mask for “I need complete control.
” Even children and teens have a right to their own thoughts and should be allowed a safe space to get things off of their chest through writing in a diary that is for their eyes only.

Before I begin, I have never taken drugs, never snuck out of the house, never skipped school, never drank alcohol underage, have never smoked, never had sex as a teen, never had legal trouble, never had failing grades, never had suspicious friends, never had tattoos or unnatural hair colors, etc.
My family had literally zero reason to feel compelled to read my diary.

I stopped keeping a diary as a kid because my diaries were read.
Then, at 12, I had a voice activated diary and felt safe with that until I ran out of pages.
I scotched taped other diary pages together as a kid so that I would know that they hadn't been read.
They contained nothing nefarious, but I just wanted privacy.

For example, my family teased me because in my diary, I doodled 2 dolphins jumping out of the ocean towards each other to kiss with a bunch of hearts above their heads.
It was very innocent stuff to be mocked and teased about.

Because I didn't keep a diary any longer, as I got older, my instant messaging histories were read (without my knowledge at the time) because somehow my family was able to find the source file, despite the messaging service (AIM/ MSN) having password protection.
This was in the days people had a “computer room” and families shared a desktop computer.

If you feel entitled to reading your child's private thoughts and feelings, you may want to try getting a life of your own.
They didn't ask to be born under your roof so give them some space.


No.
Parents should not read their children’s diaries.

First, it’s a crime (at least in Germany; the same way parents are not allowed to read your letters without your permission).
Second, it’s a disgusting breach of privacy and it teaches your child that you cannot be trusted.
Someone I know actually stopped keeping a diary for that very reason: She knew that her parents would go through it, if they deemed it necessary (which, according to her, would not take much).
Which is a pity, because she says that she would have loved to continue writing in it.
Third, usually, there is no reason to go through a child’s diary.
Yeah, children have weird phases, they have awkward phases, they might not want to tell you everything, but that’s their right.
Your job as a parent is to make them trust you enough to talk about serious issues, not learn about them behind their back.

There is only one scenario in which you are, in my opinion, allowed to skim (!) recent diary entries: You have sufficient cause (not wishy-washy something’s up parental feelings; you need to have concrete evidence and exhausted pretty much all other avenues) to believe that your child might be the victim of (sexual) abuse, contemplating suicide, or using heavy weight drugs.
A child being moodier than usual is not sufficient cause.

I once left my diary lying around in the open by accident; my mother came upon it and instead of reading it, she immediately closed it, put it somewhere where nobody would find it, and informed me of what she did.
That is trust.

Should I ever learn that my wife read the diary of one of our future children, that would probably be the very first time that I would yell at her and chew her out like there is no tomorrow.

Because trust is important.



Not if they actually value their kids as human beings.
If you allow your kid no privacy, they will sneak it whenever they can and they will find a way.
I had the overbearing type of parent.
They'd read journals, listen to calls, etc.
I had no chance to explore who I was as a person until college.
I couldn't talk to friends about anything personal because my parents would be listening.
I couldn't do anything without their oversight and it crushed any self confidence I had.
I did a lot of dumb (and some criminal) stuff because defying them in whatever way I could felt good.
In college, I learned a valuable lesson.
I learned that I hated my parents.
I could've been happy as a teenager with a moderate amount of freedom.
I could have learned to handle situations on my own if they’d allowed me to do so.
I could have had awesome friendships if they hadn't been so paranoid.
I could've flourished so much sooner.
Their paranoia held me back.

If you love your kids as more than just an accessory to make you look good, then no.
You don’t have the right to invade their privacy.
You will only hold them back and you will destroy any hope of a relationship with them in the process.



Look I trust my children 15 and 18.
Knowing that, they can still surprise me.
They pass code the computers, phones, play stations, and every other electronics we have in the house.
I believe in privacy to a point, but I pay for the devices, the internet, the cable, the electricity, food, their clothing and schooling.

Why do I get concerned? They get quiet when I enter a room, they stop texting, and they play games with people all over the world.
I don't know who they are talking to, male, female, age, if they are on a sex offenders list.
So I don't pry into their devices but if a text comes across I will look at their phones if they are left out in the open.

I'm really glad I did in my daughter's case, she's 15 the boy was over 18.
The text was very explicit, asking for face timing.
I didn't tell her I saw it, instead a few days later, I reminded her of the rules, and that once somethings out on the net, you can never get it back.

So now I take her headphones every once and a while and talk to who she's talking to.
If they respond poorly I put an end to it.
My son's 18 so I do not monitor him nearly as much, but I remind him of house rules.
He's a sophomore in college with a 4.
0 but if I became concerned, I would still absolutely step in.

Yes, they have a right to some privacy, but total privacy belongs to adults.
Hell, I don't even get total privacy, they walk into my room, ask personal questions, talk to me while I'm on the phone, and in general are just intrusive at times.

It's a balancing act, if you think something’s wrong it's your responsibility as the adult to find out what by what ever means necessary.


It’s interesting how strongly most answers feel about reading (their own) child’s diary.
While as a child (or when I was a child) I would not want my parents to read my diary, I would not hesitate to do the same, if required.
I am not my parent – or more bluntly, my parents had very limited parenting skills and no good will come of them reading my diary.

My child is quite honest and there are no secrets at all between us.
But he is only in his pre-teen and whether he continues to be open and share his views with me might change in the years to come.
If you feel there is a need to, then as a parent it is as much your responsibility as it is a right to read your child’s diary.
And it is even more important NOT to address the contents of the diary directly with your child.
Recognize this is your child’s private thoughts.
You now have to walk the fine line of knowing what you know, but only using that information in a positive way to help your child and without any judgement whatsoever.
That can be easier said than done.
If you can handle the information appropriately and if you feel there is a need, then you can and should.
Or just use the information to get appropriate professional help if required.

If I ever end up reading my child’s diary I will sooner or later own up to it and explain myself.
I am not saying you should do the same, but I want to keep my relationship as honest as I can.


It betrays a child’s trust.
It says to your child that it’s okay for them to read your private things and the private things of their future spouse.

Asking whether something is right often gets responded to as if the question were, “Can positive things come out of this?” Nearly always the answer will be yes.
In this case, a parent might find out about drug use, self harm, bulimia.
The answers will suggest the idea is a good one.

But it isn’t.
The better question is, “What are the possible downsides? Is there a better way that avoids those downsides?”
If you betray your values when you can’t figure out a better way, then you’re showing your child that it’s okay to do that.
Whenever they can’t figure out a better way, your actions say it’s okay to toss values aside.

Is that the message you want? Don’t you want your child to have better relationships skills than that? If you want them to have better skills, they need to see better skills in action.

Communication is what’s needed.
Also being trustworthy.
You need to be the person your child trusts the most.
Reading their diary will be a giant step away from that.

Parent/Teen Breakthrough: The relationship approach by Mira Kirshenbaum is excellent.
It covers many very difficult scenarios with kids who have shut down.

I haven’t read How to Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish but I did read their “How to Talk to Kids …” book which was excellent.


Hell no they dont.

I dont care if you bought them that diary, I dont care if you are the adult, and I dont care if you pay the bills for the house! That is NOT an excuse to invade anyone’s privacy, even if its a child!
I saw this article once, where this mother found her daughters diary and began to read the whole entire thing WITHOUT the child’s knowledge.
Of course, she used the same old bullshit excuses for her behavior: BUt Im ThE AdUlT! MY cHilD lIvEs UndEr MyRoOf!1!1! SHE HAS NO PRIVACY!!! Now, lets stop right there.
First of all, what makes you think that just because she’s under 18, that she has absolutely no rights? She may not be an adult but she’s still a human being! Everyone deserves rights no matter what age they are.
Second of all, every single one of us has things that we dont like to talk about with others, not even with our very own family members.
Third of all, why did you buy her that diary in the first place? If you didn’t want her to keep secrets away from you you could’ve just not bought her one.

However, having a diary is a great opportunity for someone to get those inner feelings out without having to tell anyone.
For you to just break into her room and snoop into her diary like that is just you being careless, disrespectful, and selfish.
That is not good parenting despite what you believe.
In fact, you betray a child’s trust by doing something like that.
Growing up, my parents have always allowed me some privacy because they KNOW that I’m a human being too who needs time to herself once in a while.

If you are going to check your childs phone, read their diary, or monitor their online activities, first you should tell them, then you should tell them why you’re doing it.
NEVER do it without their knowledge unless you have a really STRONG feeling that they could be hiding something.
Educate your children about the risks of being online, and make sure you tell them to watch who they are talking to.

Dont act like this kind of behavior where you being all up on your child’s grill is responsible, because if you were really that responsible and secure you wouldn’t be feeling the need to unnecessarily snoop in on them and know every single detail of their lives 24/7.

Rant over.


Journals are private, phones belong to parents.

I gave my daughters all the journals they wanted to fill and whatever security measures they felt they needed to keep them safe (my youngest wanted her own safe—i gave her the money and she bought it herself, for the highest security).
I encouraged them to write their deepest thoughts and feelings in the journals, and taught them the importance of respecting each other’s privacy.

I shared various journaling methods that would help them explore and develop their creativity and express themselves deeply.
I also offered journaling exercises and story starters to help keep them going and interested.
They have all developed a regular habit of writing, not only in journals but also stories and award-winning term papers and theses.

When it became time to get them cell phones in their early teens, I let them know that the privilege of having one involved me having access to all their social media.
Too much clandestine danger lurks out there which young (and sometimes older) people are not equipped to handle.
I have a responsibility to protect my children while also giving them experiences to help them grow and mature.
That was the best compromise I found.

They accepted my terms from the start and never complained (very loudly) about my monthly stroll through their apps.
It’s not a perfect system, but it clearly sent a message about the seriousness of our online doings and the safety hazards involved.
We have never had any situations of them over-sharing or having their personal safety boundaries crossed online.

All of this took place within the context of lots of open communication since they were born, deep trust and love, and my thorough explanations for all the big decisions I made.
My girls are confident, thoughtful, and emotionally stable, as the oldest is now taking her early steps in adulthood.
I couldn’t be prouder


If I were a mom, I wouldn’t do it, unless I had a real reason to suspect that my child was hiding something very serious from me (plans to hurt someone, thoughts of suicide, danger that they’re in, etc.
).
I’m telling you right now, your kid is not gonna tell you every single thing, you won’t know every single thing, and that’s OK.
Your kid needs space, and if a diary is their way of dealing with info that they don’t want anyone to know, respect your child’s privacy and don’t read it.
If you do read it and your child finds out, you will lose their trust, and having your child’s trust is way more important than knowing every little detail of their life.
You want your child to trust you enough to be able to talk to you about things that are actually worth knowing, so that you can be there for your child.
If your child doesn’t trust you, they’ll face the world without your support in a sense, which often leads to trouble.
So ya, unless you suspect something serious is going on, don’t invade your kid’s privacy.


If its a benign entry, then there would have been no point in invading their privacy.

if they write things in their diary and then act it out, and then write about killing themselves, then reading their diary is needed.

Ultimately, its impossible to know these things unless one reads the words.

In such a case where u read some benign harmless entry, then you should come clean to your child, and tell them about it, and also tell them, something like.
.
“i will grant u a wish for anything u want or want to do.
’ etc.
or something that will expose you as much as they feel exposed by your invasion.
i.
e.
make amends!.

ultimately, if they want to divulge the information, they will.
if not, forcefull and underhanded invasive strategies like diary reading will only make things worse.
if they really need help, they will want to seek a safe space where no judgement or betrayal exists.
so, create a path to trust, and not hash out a more distrustworthy space where no one feels safe (i.
e.
dont read diaries!).
of course, if one cannot be bothered to spend the time and energy, then throwing things up in the air and saying .
.
right.
.
need to read this diary.
.
is not good.
it is however good when its a life and death situation.
e.
g.
someone leaves the house in tears cryng about suicide.
.
they may have written the location of where they plan to do suicide in their diary.
that of course warrants reading it.

boyfriends.
if for example, a boyfriend (because girls are generally more likely to write things in diaries)is alot older, and the daughter doesnt want parents to know.
.
then you should create a real true safe space no jujment no betrayl space where they can tell you about someone.
if they dont feel comfortable and in control, they wont divulge anything.

best thing is to let them be.
when they are sad or pist off, talk to them and just get them to divulge info.
it will be a whole lot more detailed than a diary!.
.


Well… I play around a little bit… And it corrects my parents mistakes.
My parents told my crush that I liked her, via parent information night (If the student doesn’t have anywhere to stay, they just go with their parents) and I instantly knew that they were snooping around in my journal.
My next entry was that I can’t believe they did that, and that they were the worst parents in the world, and that if they wanted another chance to gain my trust, they would have to make up for it.
The next day I got unlimited ice cream at a diner.
So if you have any complaints, keep a secret journal (Mine’s online), and keep a parent journal, for your parents to read your thoughts about them that you are too embarrassed, or lack the confidence to say it in real life.
Another option is to resort to talking to yourself.
It actually works like an automatic delete journal, you hear yourself talk, and no one knows.
(make sure no one is spying on you, and you’re not within hearing distance) If you have a recording device, hide it under a floorboard or a place no one would even think of checking, and nothing that could be donated (like in an old radio) without notice.

If you know me, please do not give out information to other pe.
.
.


I'm not a parent and am sure I'm out on a limb with this.
.
.
.
but although I feel that a child's privacy is important and generally sacred, if my child was acting out in extreme ways.
.
.
.
staying out too late, appearing to use drugs, getting into legal problems, etc.
I'd probably snoop to try to figure out what is going on with them.
What if they were about to run away and it was all written down there.
.
.
don't tell me you or the police wouldn't read it if it was
left on the bed when they didn't come home for three days???
 My real aim, were I parent, is that I would have created such a safe and loving bond between us, I could trust my child to tell me what is going on and important.
But that is probably idealistic to a max.

 I know my family worried I was doing bad things when I was one of the most conservative kids in school behavior-wise.
They were acting much WORSE than I ever did!


Absolutely not.
To do so would be a cruel and callous violation of privacy, and I am here talking about my own children.
My daughter kept a diary when she was a teen, but years later after she moved out, I happened to come across it when I was clearing out her old room while in the process of moving house.

I must admit I was sorely tempted to cast a non judgemental eye over its pages after I found the key to the rather elegant little locker she kept it in, so I did the next best thing and told her I’d found it.
Her reaction was strangely muted, in the end, I packed it in a box with the rest of her possessions and took them to her.

She stored them in her mum’s garage, but not long afterwards, her mother walked on to the motorway at 2 am in the morning and killed herself.
The woman suffered manic depressive illness throughout the entirety of our daughter’s life, who was born 26 weeks early as a matter of interest.

I’m glad I never looked at my daughter’s diary.

Our daughter lived with her mother during her well periods, but whenever she was sectioned, she lived with me, and all she asked for was sanctuary so she could get on with her life.
It was a rather beautiful arrangement actually.
I admired the way she coped with her mother’s illness, but at the same time, she needed the freedom that living with me afforded her.

It was different with her older brother.
Although he never kept a diary per se, he did write poetry which he put to music, much of which was extremely personal.
He tended to leave it lying around, but not with the explicit intention of me reading it.
I never commented on it, but in view of the fact that he is now a professional musician and song writer, perhaps I could have made some useful comments.



Do parents have the right to read their child's diary?


No.
Nope.
No.

This happened to me.
It wasn’t with my parents, but my friends.

It happened yesterday.
I went over to a friend’s house to have a sleepover.
The four of us on a Saturday night.

I brought my journal with me because if my mom cleaned my room while I was away, I didn’t want her to find it.
My friends knew I brought it.
They knew that I wrote really personal things in there.
They knew what a complete and utter violation of my privacy it was.

And yet when the lights were turned off and I was listening to videos on my phone, along with my other friend, the two of them sat on the floor mattress and started whispering.

My headphones fell off.
When I reached over to put them back on, that’s when I heard snippets of their conversation
“Is she asleep?”
“Did she notice?”
“Do you think we should turn on the lights?”
My greatest fear hit me in the chest.
I sat upright, panic flooding through my body.
My three friends turned towards me.

“I… I need my inhaler.
.
” I stammered, getting out of bed and rummaging for though my backpack, NOT looking for my inhaler.
When what I was looking for wasn't there, I turned around, feeling very weak and light-headed.

“Oh my gosh guys… no…” I breathed.
I leaned against the dresser for support while my two friends broke out into nervous giggles, trying to hide the book.

My friend that was sitting on the bed with me, oblivious to what was happening walked over and turned on the light.
“What happened?”
Then we both saw the unmistakable blue cover of my journal.

“I brought that so my parents wouldn’t read it, and this is what you guys do?” I said, hearing my voice crack.

One of my friends tried to justify their actions
“It was too dark to read, so we just looked at your drawings” She said.

My friend and I walked out of the room where I sat quietly on the sofa hugging my knees.

Then I walked back in and fell asleep.

So the answer is no.
NO you SHOULD NOT read your child’s journal.
It’s a complete and utter violation of their privacy.

I lost my friends’ trust that day, and they will never get it back.

You don’t want to lose your child’s trust like that.

Trust me.
I know.



I just got one for my 9 year old.
I also got one for myself as I do believe in writing out things, just never did it before.
I try and not order her to do things but set an example.

I made it very clear that this is private stuff.
I had no intention on reading hers.
It has a lock on it even.

Well long story short as I was eating breakfast this morning it was just siting there.
We have just come back from an amazing vacation.
I was curious as to her take on it.

So I believe what I did was wrong and I’m a hypocrite for reading it.
I’ll say that first.

But I was appalled at what she has been writing.
She’s lying to me and wrote some very hurtful things.
Now mind you everyone thinks she’s the perfect little child.
I mean nobody’s perfect but she’s very well behaved and a lot of parents want her to have sleepovers as they say with her there’s no drama (I guess after a few hours a lot of kids start to fight).
She does great in school and again is very well behaved.

Lying is one of the big ones that she knows is exceedingly wrong and her mother and I will come down hard on that.
So I just found out she’s lying to me.
Again I lied too as I said I wouldn’t read it so I have no excuse for that.

Also again she wrote some very hurtful things.

Now I’m not one of the big Quora writers.
Most of what I write gets little to none views which is ok as I enjoy writing.
I mention this only because I write a lot about prison and am an ex convict and have one crazy life.

My point with that is, my daughter has a life that I never would have dreamed of; ever.
Honestly my wife could say the same though she had a stable life and is as straight as an arrow but she grew up in poverty in South America.

So we both make sure she has everything possible to ensure she has a good life.

And now I find out she’s not the person, well I don’t know what to think.
I sit here stunned.

So I believe children have a right to privacy but on the other hand I think it’s good to know what’s really going on.
A crooked tree can be fixed much easier as a sapling than a grown tree.

Only problem is I have no idea how to handle this.

As with everything in life, it’s not so easy as black and white.


Nope.
This false “I just care so much” is a mask for “I need complete control.
” Even children and teens have a right to their own thoughts and should be allowed a safe space to get things off of their chest through writing in a diary that is for their eyes only.

Before I begin, I have never taken drugs, never snuck out of the house, never skipped school, never drank alcohol underage, have never smoked, never had sex as a teen, never had legal trouble, never had failing grades, never had suspicious friends, never had tattoos or unnatural hair colors, etc.
My family had literally zero reason to feel compelled to read my diary.

I stopped keeping a diary as a kid because my diaries were read.
Then, at 12, I had a voice activated diary and felt safe with that until I ran out of pages.
I scotched taped other diary pages together as a kid so that I would know that they hadn't been read.
They contained nothing nefarious, but I just wanted privacy.

For example, my family teased me because in my diary, I doodled 2 dolphins jumping out of the ocean towards each other to kiss with a bunch of hearts above their heads.
It was very innocent stuff to be mocked and teased about.

Because I didn't keep a diary any longer, as I got older, my instant messaging histories were read (without my knowledge at the time) because somehow my family was able to find the source file, despite the messaging service (AIM/ MSN) having password protection.
This was in the days people had a “computer room” and families shared a desktop computer.

If you feel entitled to reading your child's private thoughts and feelings, you may want to try getting a life of your own.
They didn't ask to be born under your roof so give them some space.


No.
Parents should not read their children’s diaries.

First, it’s a crime (at least in Germany; the same way parents are not allowed to read your letters without your permission).
Second, it’s a disgusting breach of privacy and it teaches your child that you cannot be trusted.
Someone I know actually stopped keeping a diary for that very reason: She knew that her parents would go through it, if they deemed it necessary (which, according to her, would not take much).
Which is a pity, because she says that she would have loved to continue writing in it.
Third, usually, there is no reason to go through a child’s diary.
Yeah, children have weird phases, they have awkward phases, they might not want to tell you everything, but that’s their right.
Your job as a parent is to make them trust you enough to talk about serious issues, not learn about them behind their back.

There is only one scenario in which you are, in my opinion, allowed to skim (!) recent diary entries: You have sufficient cause (not wishy-washy something’s up parental feelings; you need to have concrete evidence and exhausted pretty much all other avenues) to believe that your child might be the victim of (sexual) abuse, contemplating suicide, or using heavy weight drugs.
A child being moodier than usual is not sufficient cause.

I once left my diary lying around in the open by accident; my mother came upon it and instead of reading it, she immediately closed it, put it somewhere where nobody would find it, and informed me of what she did.
That is trust.

Should I ever learn that my wife read the diary of one of our future children, that would probably be the very first time that I would yell at her and chew her out like there is no tomorrow.

Because trust is important.



Not if they actually value their kids as human beings.
If you allow your kid no privacy, they will sneak it whenever they can and they will find a way.
I had the overbearing type of parent.
They'd read journals, listen to calls, etc.
I had no chance to explore who I was as a person until college.
I couldn't talk to friends about anything personal because my parents would be listening.
I couldn't do anything without their oversight and it crushed any self confidence I had.
I did a lot of dumb (and some criminal) stuff because defying them in whatever way I could felt good.
In college, I learned a valuable lesson.
I learned that I hated my parents.
I could've been happy as a teenager with a moderate amount of freedom.
I could have learned to handle situations on my own if they’d allowed me to do so.
I could have had awesome friendships if they hadn't been so paranoid.
I could've flourished so much sooner.
Their paranoia held me back.

If you love your kids as more than just an accessory to make you look good, then no.
You don’t have the right to invade their privacy.
You will only hold them back and you will destroy any hope of a relationship with them in the process.



Look I trust my children 15 and 18.
Knowing that, they can still surprise me.
They pass code the computers, phones, play stations, and every other electronics we have in the house.
I believe in privacy to a point, but I pay for the devices, the internet, the cable, the electricity, food, their clothing and schooling.

Why do I get concerned? They get quiet when I enter a room, they stop texting, and they play games with people all over the world.
I don't know who they are talking to, male, female, age, if they are on a sex offenders list.
So I don't pry into their devices but if a text comes across I will look at their phones if they are left out in the open.

I'm really glad I did in my daughter's case, she's 15 the boy was over 18.
The text was very explicit, asking for face timing.
I didn't tell her I saw it, instead a few days later, I reminded her of the rules, and that once somethings out on the net, you can never get it back.

So now I take her headphones every once and a while and talk to who she's talking to.
If they respond poorly I put an end to it.
My son's 18 so I do not monitor him nearly as much, but I remind him of house rules.
He's a sophomore in college with a 4.
0 but if I became concerned, I would still absolutely step in.

Yes, they have a right to some privacy, but total privacy belongs to adults.
Hell, I don't even get total privacy, they walk into my room, ask personal questions, talk to me while I'm on the phone, and in general are just intrusive at times.

It's a balancing act, if you think something’s wrong it's your responsibility as the adult to find out what by what ever means necessary.


It’s interesting how strongly most answers feel about reading (their own) child’s diary.
While as a child (or when I was a child) I would not want my parents to read my diary, I would not hesitate to do the same, if required.
I am not my parent – or more bluntly, my parents had very limited parenting skills and no good will come of them reading my diary.

My child is quite honest and there are no secrets at all between us.
But he is only in his pre-teen and whether he continues to be open and share his views with me might change in the years to come.
If you feel there is a need to, then as a parent it is as much your responsibility as it is a right to read your child’s diary.
And it is even more important NOT to address the contents of the diary directly with your child.
Recognize this is your child’s private thoughts.
You now have to walk the fine line of knowing what you know, but only using that information in a positive way to help your child and without any judgement whatsoever.
That can be easier said than done.
If you can handle the information appropriately and if you feel there is a need, then you can and should.
Or just use the information to get appropriate professional help if required.

If I ever end up reading my child’s diary I will sooner or later own up to it and explain myself.
I am not saying you should do the same, but I want to keep my relationship as honest as I can.


It betrays a child’s trust.
It says to your child that it’s okay for them to read your private things and the private things of their future spouse.

Asking whether something is right often gets responded to as if the question were, “Can positive things come out of this?” Nearly always the answer will be yes.
In this case, a parent might find out about drug use, self harm, bulimia.
The answers will suggest the idea is a good one.

But it isn’t.
The better question is, “What are the possible downsides? Is there a better way that avoids those downsides?”
If you betray your values when you can’t figure out a better way, then you’re showing your child that it’s okay to do that.
Whenever they can’t figure out a better way, your actions say it’s okay to toss values aside.

Is that the message you want? Don’t you want your child to have better relationships skills than that? If you want them to have better skills, they need to see better skills in action.

Communication is what’s needed.
Also being trustworthy.
You need to be the person your child trusts the most.
Reading their diary will be a giant step away from that.

Parent/Teen Breakthrough: The relationship approach by Mira Kirshenbaum is excellent.
It covers many very difficult scenarios with kids who have shut down.

I haven’t read How to Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish but I did read their “How to Talk to Kids …” book which was excellent.


Hell no they dont.

I dont care if you bought them that diary, I dont care if you are the adult, and I dont care if you pay the bills for the house! That is NOT an excuse to invade anyone’s privacy, even if its a child!
I saw this article once, where this mother found her daughters diary and began to read the whole entire thing WITHOUT the child’s knowledge.
Of course, she used the same old bullshit excuses for her behavior: BUt Im ThE AdUlT! MY cHilD lIvEs UndEr MyRoOf!1!1! SHE HAS NO PRIVACY!!! Now, lets stop right there.
First of all, what makes you think that just because she’s under 18, that she has absolutely no rights? She may not be an adult but she’s still a human being! Everyone deserves rights no matter what age they are.
Second of all, every single one of us has things that we dont like to talk about with others, not even with our very own family members.
Third of all, why did you buy her that diary in the first place? If you didn’t want her to keep secrets away from you you could’ve just not bought her one.

However, having a diary is a great opportunity for someone to get those inner feelings out without having to tell anyone.
For you to just break into her room and snoop into her diary like that is just you being careless, disrespectful, and selfish.
That is not good parenting despite what you believe.
In fact, you betray a child’s trust by doing something like that.
Growing up, my parents have always allowed me some privacy because they KNOW that I’m a human being too who needs time to herself once in a while.

If you are going to check your childs phone, read their diary, or monitor their online activities, first you should tell them, then you should tell them why you’re doing it.
NEVER do it without their knowledge unless you have a really STRONG feeling that they could be hiding something.
Educate your children about the risks of being online, and make sure you tell them to watch who they are talking to.

Dont act like this kind of behavior where you being all up on your child’s grill is responsible, because if you were really that responsible and secure you wouldn’t be feeling the need to unnecessarily snoop in on them and know every single detail of their lives 24/7.

Rant over.


Journals are private, phones belong to parents.

I gave my daughters all the journals they wanted to fill and whatever security measures they felt they needed to keep them safe (my youngest wanted her own safe—i gave her the money and she bought it herself, for the highest security).
I encouraged them to write their deepest thoughts and feelings in the journals, and taught them the importance of respecting each other’s privacy.

I shared various journaling methods that would help them explore and develop their creativity and express themselves deeply.
I also offered journaling exercises and story starters to help keep them going and interested.
They have all developed a regular habit of writing, not only in journals but also stories and award-winning term papers and theses.

When it became time to get them cell phones in their early teens, I let them know that the privilege of having one involved me having access to all their social media.
Too much clandestine danger lurks out there which young (and sometimes older) people are not equipped to handle.
I have a responsibility to protect my children while also giving them experiences to help them grow and mature.
That was the best compromise I found.

They accepted my terms from the start and never complained (very loudly) about my monthly stroll through their apps.
It’s not a perfect system, but it clearly sent a message about the seriousness of our online doings and the safety hazards involved.
We have never had any situations of them over-sharing or having their personal safety boundaries crossed online.

All of this took place within the context of lots of open communication since they were born, deep trust and love, and my thorough explanations for all the big decisions I made.
My girls are confident, thoughtful, and emotionally stable, as the oldest is now taking her early steps in adulthood.
I couldn’t be prouder


If I were a mom, I wouldn’t do it, unless I had a real reason to suspect that my child was hiding something very serious from me (plans to hurt someone, thoughts of suicide, danger that they’re in, etc.
).
I’m telling you right now, your kid is not gonna tell you every single thing, you won’t know every single thing, and that’s OK.
Your kid needs space, and if a diary is their way of dealing with info that they don’t want anyone to know, respect your child’s privacy and don’t read it.
If you do read it and your child finds out, you will lose their trust, and having your child’s trust is way more important than knowing every little detail of their life.
You want your child to trust you enough to be able to talk to you about things that are actually worth knowing, so that you can be there for your child.
If your child doesn’t trust you, they’ll face the world without your support in a sense, which often leads to trouble.
So ya, unless you suspect something serious is going on, don’t invade your kid’s privacy.


If its a benign entry, then there would have been no point in invading their privacy.

if they write things in their diary and then act it out, and then write about killing themselves, then reading their diary is needed.

Ultimately, its impossible to know these things unless one reads the words.

In such a case where u read some benign harmless entry, then you should come clean to your child, and tell them about it, and also tell them, something like.
.
“i will grant u a wish for anything u want or want to do.
’ etc.
or something that will expose you as much as they feel exposed by your invasion.
i.
e.
make amends!.

ultimately, if they want to divulge the information, they will.
if not, forcefull and underhanded invasive strategies like diary reading will only make things worse.
if they really need help, they will want to seek a safe space where no judgement or betrayal exists.
so, create a path to trust, and not hash out a more distrustworthy space where no one feels safe (i.
e.
dont read diaries!).
of course, if one cannot be bothered to spend the time and energy, then throwing things up in the air and saying .
.
right.
.
need to read this diary.
.
is not good.
it is however good when its a life and death situation.
e.
g.
someone leaves the house in tears cryng about suicide.
.
they may have written the location of where they plan to do suicide in their diary.
that of course warrants reading it.

boyfriends.
if for example, a boyfriend (because girls are generally more likely to write things in diaries)is alot older, and the daughter doesnt want parents to know.
.
then you should create a real true safe space no jujment no betrayl space where they can tell you about someone.
if they dont feel comfortable and in control, they wont divulge anything.

best thing is to let them be.
when they are sad or pist off, talk to them and just get them to divulge info.
it will be a whole lot more detailed than a diary!.
.


Well… I play around a little bit… And it corrects my parents mistakes.
My parents told my crush that I liked her, via parent information night (If the student doesn’t have anywhere to stay, they just go with their parents) and I instantly knew that they were snooping around in my journal.
My next entry was that I can’t believe they did that, and that they were the worst parents in the world, and that if they wanted another chance to gain my trust, they would have to make up for it.
The next day I got unlimited ice cream at a diner.
So if you have any complaints, keep a secret journal (Mine’s online), and keep a parent journal, for your parents to read your thoughts about them that you are too embarrassed, or lack the confidence to say it in real life.
Another option is to resort to talking to yourself.
It actually works like an automatic delete journal, you hear yourself talk, and no one knows.
(make sure no one is spying on you, and you’re not within hearing distance) If you have a recording device, hide it under a floorboard or a place no one would even think of checking, and nothing that could be donated (like in an old radio) without notice.

If you know me, please do not give out information to other pe.
.
.


I'm not a parent and am sure I'm out on a limb with this.
.
.
.
but although I feel that a child's privacy is important and generally sacred, if my child was acting out in extreme ways.
.
.
.
staying out too late, appearing to use drugs, getting into legal problems, etc.
I'd probably snoop to try to figure out what is going on with them.
What if they were about to run away and it was all written down there.
.
.
don't tell me you or the police wouldn't read it if it was
left on the bed when they didn't come home for three days???
 My real aim, were I parent, is that I would have created such a safe and loving bond between us, I could trust my child to tell me what is going on and important.
But that is probably idealistic to a max.

 I know my family worried I was doing bad things when I was one of the most conservative kids in school behavior-wise.
They were acting much WORSE than I ever did!


Absolutely not.
To do so would be a cruel and callous violation of privacy, and I am here talking about my own children.
My daughter kept a diary when she was a teen, but years later after she moved out, I happened to come across it when I was clearing out her old room while in the process of moving house.

I must admit I was sorely tempted to cast a non judgemental eye over its pages after I found the key to the rather elegant little locker she kept it in, so I did the next best thing and told her I’d found it.
Her reaction was strangely muted, in the end, I packed it in a box with the rest of her possessions and took them to her.

She stored them in her mum’s garage, but not long afterwards, her mother walked on to the motorway at 2 am in the morning and killed herself.
The woman suffered manic depressive illness throughout the entirety of our daughter’s life, who was born 26 weeks early as a matter of interest.

I’m glad I never looked at my daughter’s diary.

Our daughter lived with her mother during her well periods, but whenever she was sectioned, she lived with me, and all she asked for was sanctuary so she could get on with her life.
It was a rather beautiful arrangement actually.
I admired the way she coped with her mother’s illness, but at the same time, she needed the freedom that living with me afforded her.

It was different with her older brother.
Although he never kept a diary per se, he did write poetry which he put to music, much of which was extremely personal.
He tended to leave it lying around, but not with the explicit intention of me reading it.
I never commented on it, but in view of the fact that he is now a professional musician and song writer, perhaps I could have made some useful comments.



When you use the word ‘right’, NO, nobody has the right to read a personal diary.

But now imagine this:
Imagine you are a parent.
You know your child writes a diary and hides it.
This makes you curious and you try to find it everyday when the child is away.
One day, you succeed and start reading it.
You find that your child has hell lot of feelings and is a different person then he appears to be.
You are shocked to find that he has handled many hard situations all alone.
He has also been depressed and thought about ugliest ideas.
Now you have two options.
Either scold him(so that he can hide it in a better place next time) or have a more frank behaviour with him without revealing the fact that you read the diary.
Choosing the second option would make you his diary which would be the greatest feeling as parent.


Nope.

To all the people who say yes:
How come you’re all too lazy to talk to your child? You need a book to tell you what’s wrong with your child? Stop being lazy and have a serious talk with your child to see if anything’s wrong with them! Stop being LAZY!
Privacy violations will ruin your parent-child relationship.
You have a right to not share your sex life and we have a right to not share our life.
STOP BEING LAZY AND SPEAK WITH YOUR CHILD IF YOU FEEL SOMETHING IS WRONG WITHOUT READING THEIR DIARY BECAUSE YOU WERE TOO LAZY TO TALK WITH THEM FIRST!


This is the kind of question that can be difficult to answer without more information but let me try.

Ideally the parent should not need to read their child's diary because they should have an open and honest relationship with each other but sometimes that is not possible.
I do not think they should make a habit out of it because the diary can be a therapeutic activity for the child but if the parent is extremely worried that the child is doing drugs or has been hurt or abused and needs to get them help then I could understand them reading it once to see.
It should not be a complete read but a simple thumbing through it glancing at the topics to try and determine if there is an issue.
The parent should not make this a constant practice but one time thing.
This is also only if the child is under 18 and still living in their home.

Now if the child is over 18 then they should not be reading their diary regardless of if the child lives at home or not.

If the child is an adult and living on their own and the parent is visiting them at their house or the child is visiting the parent's home then absolutely not!


This is a touchy subject for me because it happened to me.
My mom realized I was suicidal (I was at the time), thought I had a plan in my diary, and read it while I was at work.
I later found out without her telling me (I had an electronic diary at the time, and I saw it in her reading history).
I was furious and lost a lot of respect and trust in my mom that day.
Later she admitted what she did and asked for forgiveness.
I did since I understood why she did it, but I still feel that she made an incredibly poor decision.
So in short…did she have the right to do it? No.
Did she genuinely believe she could save my life by doing it? Yes.
Does that make it right? No, but perhaps a bit justified.
That’s the ONLY circumstance where I could ever justify reading your child’s diary.


NO.

A diary is supposed to be personal.
People write their personal experiences, problems, sadness, happiness , all emotional as well as spiritual occurences of their life.

It doesn’t seem right to take a peek into it unless they show it to you themselves.

How would you feel if someone looked into your personal matters? I’m sure, it would be a feeling of anger and betrayal .

Some things are best to be kept unattented and a diary comes into that category.


Trust is a big thing for me.
As a child who didn't exactly have noisy parents but did have a much older extremely noisy sister who would not only read my dairy but also go threw my trash can and tape back together notes I got from friends that I would tear up and throw away just so she could run and tell my parents things its never okay.
I think the child's room should be off limits to snooping UNLESS some serious things are going on.
Is your child's grades slipping? Are they skipping school? Are they seeking out at night? Are there signs of drug use? Are there signs of sexual activity? Are there signs of depression? If you said yes to any of these sit down and talk to your child.
Like really talk to them.
Don't lecture.
And keep talking to them like everyday! If they completely shut you out and won't talk then yes I understand going through the room and reading notes and journals.
But just know this once they know you have done this the trust is gone and they will just keep things even more hidden.


Recently having moved out of my parents’ house, I would say ABSOLUTELY NO.

As a teen I did keep a diary, and I wrote deeply personal things in it: my feeling of loneliness, depression and anxiety, sexual anxiety, etc.
None of those things I wanted my mom to see.
I especially did not want to randomly learn that she had been reading my diary, as that destroys trust between a child and their parents.
Just think about if you want someone going through your personal life, intruding in your space.

If you are curious or concerned about your child's well-being, just ask, I am sure that will pay off much more than losing their trust.
(However sneaky you think you are, your child will find out.
)



I never had a diary or journal, but my parents did go through my art books when they were laying out or through all my email conversations with my friends.

This made me very angry towards them.
They brought up how me and my friend were talking about boys, and they threatened to ground me if I didn’t tell them who I had a crush on.
They grounded me from seeing a few friends for three months because “having secrets was a no no”.
They said they were doing this because I had a bad attitude and they wanted me to come to them with important things.
I never felt their reactions were justified, this was not something I should have been punished over.
I felt they were using it to control me.
I never wrote anything personal again in an email, and I never went to them to talk about important things.


My grandparents read my mom’s diary and it broke her heart.
And haunted her from writing and self exploration for a while.

So she made sure I always knew that my own personal thoughts and feelings that I put down, for myself, to get through and process challenges…she promised never to read it.
She never went through my room.

She did however develop a relationship with me over my lifetime of respect and communication, trust and forgiveness and so I always told her what was going on in my life.
I never needed to hide who I was to her.
I trusted her and she trusted me, and gave the other space because you don’t need anyone to know everything about you all the time.
We all need secrets.


Do parents have the right to read their child's diary?


No.
Nope.
No.

This happened to me.
It wasn’t with my parents, but my friends.

It happened yesterday.
I went over to a friend’s house to have a sleepover.
The four of us on a Saturday night.

I brought my journal with me because if my mom cleaned my room while I was away, I didn’t want her to find it.
My friends knew I brought it.
They knew that I wrote really personal things in there.
They knew what a complete and utter violation of my privacy it was.

And yet when the lights were turned off and I was listening to videos on my phone, along with my other friend, the two of them sat on the floor mattress and started whispering.

My headphones fell off.
When I reached over to put them back on, that’s when I heard snippets of their conversation
“Is she asleep?”
“Did she notice?”
“Do you think we should turn on the lights?”
My greatest fear hit me in the chest.
I sat upright, panic flooding through my body.
My three friends turned towards me.

“I… I need my inhaler.
.
” I stammered, getting out of bed and rummaging for though my backpack, NOT looking for my inhaler.
When what I was looking for wasn't there, I turned around, feeling very weak and light-headed.

“Oh my gosh guys… no…” I breathed.
I leaned against the dresser for support while my two friends broke out into nervous giggles, trying to hide the book.

My friend that was sitting on the bed with me, oblivious to what was happening walked over and turned on the light.
“What happened?”
Then we both saw the unmistakable blue cover of my journal.

“I brought that so my parents wouldn’t read it, and this is what you guys do?” I said, hearing my voice crack.

One of my friends tried to justify their actions
“It was too dark to read, so we just looked at your drawings” She said.

My friend and I walked out of the room where I sat quietly on the sofa hugging my knees.

Then I walked back in and fell asleep.

So the answer is no.
NO you SHOULD NOT read your child’s journal.
It’s a complete and utter violation of their privacy.

I lost my friends’ trust that day, and they will never get it back.

You don’t want to lose your child’s trust like that.

Trust me.
I know.



I just got one for my 9 year old.
I also got one for myself as I do believe in writing out things, just never did it before.
I try and not order her to do things but set an example.

I made it very clear that this is private stuff.
I had no intention on reading hers.
It has a lock on it even.

Well long story short as I was eating breakfast this morning it was just siting there.
We have just come back from an amazing vacation.
I was curious as to her take on it.

So I believe what I did was wrong and I’m a hypocrite for reading it.
I’ll say that first.

But I was appalled at what she has been writing.
She’s lying to me and wrote some very hurtful things.
Now mind you everyone thinks she’s the perfect little child.
I mean nobody’s perfect but she’s very well behaved and a lot of parents want her to have sleepovers as they say with her there’s no drama (I guess after a few hours a lot of kids start to fight).
She does great in school and again is very well behaved.

Lying is one of the big ones that she knows is exceedingly wrong and her mother and I will come down hard on that.
So I just found out she’s lying to me.
Again I lied too as I said I wouldn’t read it so I have no excuse for that.

Also again she wrote some very hurtful things.

Now I’m not one of the big Quora writers.
Most of what I write gets little to none views which is ok as I enjoy writing.
I mention this only because I write a lot about prison and am an ex convict and have one crazy life.

My point with that is, my daughter has a life that I never would have dreamed of; ever.
Honestly my wife could say the same though she had a stable life and is as straight as an arrow but she grew up in poverty in South America.

So we both make sure she has everything possible to ensure she has a good life.

And now I find out she’s not the person, well I don’t know what to think.
I sit here stunned.

So I believe children have a right to privacy but on the other hand I think it’s good to know what’s really going on.
A crooked tree can be fixed much easier as a sapling than a grown tree.

Only problem is I have no idea how to handle this.

As with everything in life, it’s not so easy as black and white.


Nope.
This false “I just care so much” is a mask for “I need complete control.
” Even children and teens have a right to their own thoughts and should be allowed a safe space to get things off of their chest through writing in a diary that is for their eyes only.

Before I begin, I have never taken drugs, never snuck out of the house, never skipped school, never drank alcohol underage, have never smoked, never had sex as a teen, never had legal trouble, never had failing grades, never had suspicious friends, never had tattoos or unnatural hair colors, etc.
My family had literally zero reason to feel compelled to read my diary.

I stopped keeping a diary as a kid because my diaries were read.
Then, at 12, I had a voice activated diary and felt safe with that until I ran out of pages.
I scotched taped other diary pages together as a kid so that I would know that they hadn't been read.
They contained nothing nefarious, but I just wanted privacy.

For example, my family teased me because in my diary, I doodled 2 dolphins jumping out of the ocean towards each other to kiss with a bunch of hearts above their heads.
It was very innocent stuff to be mocked and teased about.

Because I didn't keep a diary any longer, as I got older, my instant messaging histories were read (without my knowledge at the time) because somehow my family was able to find the source file, despite the messaging service (AIM/ MSN) having password protection.
This was in the days people had a “computer room” and families shared a desktop computer.

If you feel entitled to reading your child's private thoughts and feelings, you may want to try getting a life of your own.
They didn't ask to be born under your roof so give them some space.


No.
Parents should not read their children’s diaries.

First, it’s a crime (at least in Germany; the same way parents are not allowed to read your letters without your permission).
Second, it’s a disgusting breach of privacy and it teaches your child that you cannot be trusted.
Someone I know actually stopped keeping a diary for that very reason: She knew that her parents would go through it, if they deemed it necessary (which, according to her, would not take much).
Which is a pity, because she says that she would have loved to continue writing in it.
Third, usually, there is no reason to go through a child’s diary.
Yeah, children have weird phases, they have awkward phases, they might not want to tell you everything, but that’s their right.
Your job as a parent is to make them trust you enough to talk about serious issues, not learn about them behind their back.

There is only one scenario in which you are, in my opinion, allowed to skim (!) recent diary entries: You have sufficient cause (not wishy-washy something’s up parental feelings; you need to have concrete evidence and exhausted pretty much all other avenues) to believe that your child might be the victim of (sexual) abuse, contemplating suicide, or using heavy weight drugs.
A child being moodier than usual is not sufficient cause.

I once left my diary lying around in the open by accident; my mother came upon it and instead of reading it, she immediately closed it, put it somewhere where nobody would find it, and informed me of what she did.
That is trust.

Should I ever learn that my wife read the diary of one of our future children, that would probably be the very first time that I would yell at her and chew her out like there is no tomorrow.

Because trust is important.



Not if they actually value their kids as human beings.
If you allow your kid no privacy, they will sneak it whenever they can and they will find a way.
I had the overbearing type of parent.
They'd read journals, listen to calls, etc.
I had no chance to explore who I was as a person until college.
I couldn't talk to friends about anything personal because my parents would be listening.
I couldn't do anything without their oversight and it crushed any self confidence I had.
I did a lot of dumb (and some criminal) stuff because defying them in whatever way I could felt good.
In college, I learned a valuable lesson.
I learned that I hated my parents.
I could've been happy as a teenager with a moderate amount of freedom.
I could have learned to handle situations on my own if they’d allowed me to do so.
I could have had awesome friendships if they hadn't been so paranoid.
I could've flourished so much sooner.
Their paranoia held me back.

If you love your kids as more than just an accessory to make you look good, then no.
You don’t have the right to invade their privacy.
You will only hold them back and you will destroy any hope of a relationship with them in the process.



Look I trust my children 15 and 18.
Knowing that, they can still surprise me.
They pass code the computers, phones, play stations, and every other electronics we have in the house.
I believe in privacy to a point, but I pay for the devices, the internet, the cable, the electricity, food, their clothing and schooling.

Why do I get concerned? They get quiet when I enter a room, they stop texting, and they play games with people all over the world.
I don't know who they are talking to, male, female, age, if they are on a sex offenders list.
So I don't pry into their devices but if a text comes across I will look at their phones if they are left out in the open.

I'm really glad I did in my daughter's case, she's 15 the boy was over 18.
The text was very explicit, asking for face timing.
I didn't tell her I saw it, instead a few days later, I reminded her of the rules, and that once somethings out on the net, you can never get it back.

So now I take her headphones every once and a while and talk to who she's talking to.
If they respond poorly I put an end to it.
My son's 18 so I do not monitor him nearly as much, but I remind him of house rules.
He's a sophomore in college with a 4.
0 but if I became concerned, I would still absolutely step in.

Yes, they have a right to some privacy, but total privacy belongs to adults.
Hell, I don't even get total privacy, they walk into my room, ask personal questions, talk to me while I'm on the phone, and in general are just intrusive at times.

It's a balancing act, if you think something’s wrong it's your responsibility as the adult to find out what by what ever means necessary.


It’s interesting how strongly most answers feel about reading (their own) child’s diary.
While as a child (or when I was a child) I would not want my parents to read my diary, I would not hesitate to do the same, if required.
I am not my parent – or more bluntly, my parents had very limited parenting skills and no good will come of them reading my diary.

My child is quite honest and there are no secrets at all between us.
But he is only in his pre-teen and whether he continues to be open and share his views with me might change in the years to come.
If you feel there is a need to, then as a parent it is as much your responsibility as it is a right to read your child’s diary.
And it is even more important NOT to address the contents of the diary directly with your child.
Recognize this is your child’s private thoughts.
You now have to walk the fine line of knowing what you know, but only using that information in a positive way to help your child and without any judgement whatsoever.
That can be easier said than done.
If you can handle the information appropriately and if you feel there is a need, then you can and should.
Or just use the information to get appropriate professional help if required.

If I ever end up reading my child’s diary I will sooner or later own up to it and explain myself.
I am not saying you should do the same, but I want to keep my relationship as honest as I can.


It betrays a child’s trust.
It says to your child that it’s okay for them to read your private things and the private things of their future spouse.

Asking whether something is right often gets responded to as if the question were, “Can positive things come out of this?” Nearly always the answer will be yes.
In this case, a parent might find out about drug use, self harm, bulimia.
The answers will suggest the idea is a good one.

But it isn’t.
The better question is, “What are the possible downsides? Is there a better way that avoids those downsides?”
If you betray your values when you can’t figure out a better way, then you’re showing your child that it’s okay to do that.
Whenever they can’t figure out a better way, your actions say it’s okay to toss values aside.

Is that the message you want? Don’t you want your child to have better relationships skills than that? If you want them to have better skills, they need to see better skills in action.

Communication is what’s needed.
Also being trustworthy.
You need to be the person your child trusts the most.
Reading their diary will be a giant step away from that.

Parent/Teen Breakthrough: The relationship approach by Mira Kirshenbaum is excellent.
It covers many very difficult scenarios with kids who have shut down.

I haven’t read How to Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish but I did read their “How to Talk to Kids …” book which was excellent.


Hell no they dont.

I dont care if you bought them that diary, I dont care if you are the adult, and I dont care if you pay the bills for the house! That is NOT an excuse to invade anyone’s privacy, even if its a child!
I saw this article once, where this mother found her daughters diary and began to read the whole entire thing WITHOUT the child’s knowledge.
Of course, she used the same old bullshit excuses for her behavior: BUt Im ThE AdUlT! MY cHilD lIvEs UndEr MyRoOf!1!1! SHE HAS NO PRIVACY!!! Now, lets stop right there.
First of all, what makes you think that just because she’s under 18, that she has absolutely no rights? She may not be an adult but she’s still a human being! Everyone deserves rights no matter what age they are.
Second of all, every single one of us has things that we dont like to talk about with others, not even with our very own family members.
Third of all, why did you buy her that diary in the first place? If you didn’t want her to keep secrets away from you you could’ve just not bought her one.

However, having a diary is a great opportunity for someone to get those inner feelings out without having to tell anyone.
For you to just break into her room and snoop into her diary like that is just you being careless, disrespectful, and selfish.
That is not good parenting despite what you believe.
In fact, you betray a child’s trust by doing something like that.
Growing up, my parents have always allowed me some privacy because they KNOW that I’m a human being too who needs time to herself once in a while.

If you are going to check your childs phone, read their diary, or monitor their online activities, first you should tell them, then you should tell them why you’re doing it.
NEVER do it without their knowledge unless you have a really STRONG feeling that they could be hiding something.
Educate your children about the risks of being online, and make sure you tell them to watch who they are talking to.

Dont act like this kind of behavior where you being all up on your child’s grill is responsible, because if you were really that responsible and secure you wouldn’t be feeling the need to unnecessarily snoop in on them and know every single detail of their lives 24/7.

Rant over.


Journals are private, phones belong to parents.

I gave my daughters all the journals they wanted to fill and whatever security measures they felt they needed to keep them safe (my youngest wanted her own safe—i gave her the money and she bought it herself, for the highest security).
I encouraged them to write their deepest thoughts and feelings in the journals, and taught them the importance of respecting each other’s privacy.

I shared various journaling methods that would help them explore and develop their creativity and express themselves deeply.
I also offered journaling exercises and story starters to help keep them going and interested.
They have all developed a regular habit of writing, not only in journals but also stories and award-winning term papers and theses.

When it became time to get them cell phones in their early teens, I let them know that the privilege of having one involved me having access to all their social media.
Too much clandestine danger lurks out there which young (and sometimes older) people are not equipped to handle.
I have a responsibility to protect my children while also giving them experiences to help them grow and mature.
That was the best compromise I found.

They accepted my terms from the start and never complained (very loudly) about my monthly stroll through their apps.
It’s not a perfect system, but it clearly sent a message about the seriousness of our online doings and the safety hazards involved.
We have never had any situations of them over-sharing or having their personal safety boundaries crossed online.

All of this took place within the context of lots of open communication since they were born, deep trust and love, and my thorough explanations for all the big decisions I made.
My girls are confident, thoughtful, and emotionally stable, as the oldest is now taking her early steps in adulthood.
I couldn’t be prouder


If I were a mom, I wouldn’t do it, unless I had a real reason to suspect that my child was hiding something very serious from me (plans to hurt someone, thoughts of suicide, danger that they’re in, etc.
).
I’m telling you right now, your kid is not gonna tell you every single thing, you won’t know every single thing, and that’s OK.
Your kid needs space, and if a diary is their way of dealing with info that they don’t want anyone to know, respect your child’s privacy and don’t read it.
If you do read it and your child finds out, you will lose their trust, and having your child’s trust is way more important than knowing every little detail of their life.
You want your child to trust you enough to be able to talk to you about things that are actually worth knowing, so that you can be there for your child.
If your child doesn’t trust you, they’ll face the world without your support in a sense, which often leads to trouble.
So ya, unless you suspect something serious is going on, don’t invade your kid’s privacy.


If its a benign entry, then there would have been no point in invading their privacy.

if they write things in their diary and then act it out, and then write about killing themselves, then reading their diary is needed.

Ultimately, its impossible to know these things unless one reads the words.

In such a case where u read some benign harmless entry, then you should come clean to your child, and tell them about it, and also tell them, something like.
.
“i will grant u a wish for anything u want or want to do.
’ etc.
or something that will expose you as much as they feel exposed by your invasion.
i.
e.
make amends!.

ultimately, if they want to divulge the information, they will.
if not, forcefull and underhanded invasive strategies like diary reading will only make things worse.
if they really need help, they will want to seek a safe space where no judgement or betrayal exists.
so, create a path to trust, and not hash out a more distrustworthy space where no one feels safe (i.
e.
dont read diaries!).
of course, if one cannot be bothered to spend the time and energy, then throwing things up in the air and saying .
.
right.
.
need to read this diary.
.
is not good.
it is however good when its a life and death situation.
e.
g.
someone leaves the house in tears cryng about suicide.
.
they may have written the location of where they plan to do suicide in their diary.
that of course warrants reading it.

boyfriends.
if for example, a boyfriend (because girls are generally more likely to write things in diaries)is alot older, and the daughter doesnt want parents to know.
.
then you should create a real true safe space no jujment no betrayl space where they can tell you about someone.
if they dont feel comfortable and in control, they wont divulge anything.

best thing is to let them be.
when they are sad or pist off, talk to them and just get them to divulge info.
it will be a whole lot more detailed than a diary!.
.


Well… I play around a little bit… And it corrects my parents mistakes.
My parents told my crush that I liked her, via parent information night (If the student doesn’t have anywhere to stay, they just go with their parents) and I instantly knew that they were snooping around in my journal.
My next entry was that I can’t believe they did that, and that they were the worst parents in the world, and that if they wanted another chance to gain my trust, they would have to make up for it.
The next day I got unlimited ice cream at a diner.
So if you have any complaints, keep a secret journal (Mine’s online), and keep a parent journal, for your parents to read your thoughts about them that you are too embarrassed, or lack the confidence to say it in real life.
Another option is to resort to talking to yourself.
It actually works like an automatic delete journal, you hear yourself talk, and no one knows.
(make sure no one is spying on you, and you’re not within hearing distance) If you have a recording device, hide it under a floorboard or a place no one would even think of checking, and nothing that could be donated (like in an old radio) without notice.

If you know me, please do not give out information to other pe.
.
.


I'm not a parent and am sure I'm out on a limb with this.
.
.
.
but although I feel that a child's privacy is important and generally sacred, if my child was acting out in extreme ways.
.
.
.
staying out too late, appearing to use drugs, getting into legal problems, etc.
I'd probably snoop to try to figure out what is going on with them.
What if they were about to run away and it was all written down there.
.
.
don't tell me you or the police wouldn't read it if it was
left on the bed when they didn't come home for three days???
 My real aim, were I parent, is that I would have created such a safe and loving bond between us, I could trust my child to tell me what is going on and important.
But that is probably idealistic to a max.

 I know my family worried I was doing bad things when I was one of the most conservative kids in school behavior-wise.
They were acting much WORSE than I ever did!


Absolutely not.
To do so would be a cruel and callous violation of privacy, and I am here talking about my own children.
My daughter kept a diary when she was a teen, but years later after she moved out, I happened to come across it when I was clearing out her old room while in the process of moving house.

I must admit I was sorely tempted to cast a non judgemental eye over its pages after I found the key to the rather elegant little locker she kept it in, so I did the next best thing and told her I’d found it.
Her reaction was strangely muted, in the end, I packed it in a box with the rest of her possessions and took them to her.

She stored them in her mum’s garage, but not long afterwards, her mother walked on to the motorway at 2 am in the morning and killed herself.
The woman suffered manic depressive illness throughout the entirety of our daughter’s life, who was born 26 weeks early as a matter of interest.

I’m glad I never looked at my daughter’s diary.

Our daughter lived with her mother during her well periods, but whenever she was sectioned, she lived with me, and all she asked for was sanctuary so she could get on with her life.
It was a rather beautiful arrangement actually.
I admired the way she coped with her mother’s illness, but at the same time, she needed the freedom that living with me afforded her.

It was different with her older brother.
Although he never kept a diary per se, he did write poetry which he put to music, much of which was extremely personal.
He tended to leave it lying around, but not with the explicit intention of me reading it.
I never commented on it, but in view of the fact that he is now a professional musician and song writer, perhaps I could have made some useful comments.



When you use the word ‘right’, NO, nobody has the right to read a personal diary.

But now imagine this:
Imagine you are a parent.
You know your child writes a diary and hides it.
This makes you curious and you try to find it everyday when the child is away.
One day, you succeed and start reading it.
You find that your child has hell lot of feelings and is a different person then he appears to be.
You are shocked to find that he has handled many hard situations all alone.
He has also been depressed and thought about ugliest ideas.
Now you have two options.
Either scold him(so that he can hide it in a better place next time) or have a more frank behaviour with him without revealing the fact that you read the diary.
Choosing the second option would make you his diary which would be the greatest feeling as parent.


Nope.

To all the people who say yes:
How come you’re all too lazy to talk to your child? You need a book to tell you what’s wrong with your child? Stop being lazy and have a serious talk with your child to see if anything’s wrong with them! Stop being LAZY!
Privacy violations will ruin your parent-child relationship.
You have a right to not share your sex life and we have a right to not share our life.
STOP BEING LAZY AND SPEAK WITH YOUR CHILD IF YOU FEEL SOMETHING IS WRONG WITHOUT READING THEIR DIARY BECAUSE YOU WERE TOO LAZY TO TALK WITH THEM FIRST!


This is the kind of question that can be difficult to answer without more information but let me try.

Ideally the parent should not need to read their child's diary because they should have an open and honest relationship with each other but sometimes that is not possible.
I do not think they should make a habit out of it because the diary can be a therapeutic activity for the child but if the parent is extremely worried that the child is doing drugs or has been hurt or abused and needs to get them help then I could understand them reading it once to see.
It should not be a complete read but a simple thumbing through it glancing at the topics to try and determine if there is an issue.
The parent should not make this a constant practice but one time thing.
This is also only if the child is under 18 and still living in their home.

Now if the child is over 18 then they should not be reading their diary regardless of if the child lives at home or not.

If the child is an adult and living on their own and the parent is visiting them at their house or the child is visiting the parent's home then absolutely not!


This is a touchy subject for me because it happened to me.
My mom realized I was suicidal (I was at the time), thought I had a plan in my diary, and read it while I was at work.
I later found out without her telling me (I had an electronic diary at the time, and I saw it in her reading history).
I was furious and lost a lot of respect and trust in my mom that day.
Later she admitted what she did and asked for forgiveness.
I did since I understood why she did it, but I still feel that she made an incredibly poor decision.
So in short…did she have the right to do it? No.
Did she genuinely believe she could save my life by doing it? Yes.
Does that make it right? No, but perhaps a bit justified.
That’s the ONLY circumstance where I could ever justify reading your child’s diary.


NO.

A diary is supposed to be personal.
People write their personal experiences, problems, sadness, happiness , all emotional as well as spiritual occurences of their life.

It doesn’t seem right to take a peek into it unless they show it to you themselves.

How would you feel if someone looked into your personal matters? I’m sure, it would be a feeling of anger and betrayal .

Some things are best to be kept unattented and a diary comes into that category.


Trust is a big thing for me.
As a child who didn't exactly have noisy parents but did have a much older extremely noisy sister who would not only read my dairy but also go threw my trash can and tape back together notes I got from friends that I would tear up and throw away just so she could run and tell my parents things its never okay.
I think the child's room should be off limits to snooping UNLESS some serious things are going on.
Is your child's grades slipping? Are they skipping school? Are they seeking out at night? Are there signs of drug use? Are there signs of sexual activity? Are there signs of depression? If you said yes to any of these sit down and talk to your child.
Like really talk to them.
Don't lecture.
And keep talking to them like everyday! If they completely shut you out and won't talk then yes I understand going through the room and reading notes and journals.
But just know this once they know you have done this the trust is gone and they will just keep things even more hidden.


Do parents have the right to read their child's diary?


No.
Nope.
No.

This happened to me.
It wasn’t with my parents, but my friends.

It happened yesterday.
I went over to a friend’s house to have a sleepover.
The four of us on a Saturday night.

I brought my journal with me because if my mom cleaned my room while I was away, I didn’t want her to find it.
My friends knew I brought it.
They knew that I wrote really personal things in there.
They knew what a complete and utter violation of my privacy it was.

And yet when the lights were turned off and I was listening to videos on my phone, along with my other friend, the two of them sat on the floor mattress and started whispering.

My headphones fell off.
When I reached over to put them back on, that’s when I heard snippets of their conversation
“Is she asleep?”
“Did she notice?”
“Do you think we should turn on the lights?”
My greatest fear hit me in the chest.
I sat upright, panic flooding through my body.
My three friends turned towards me.

“I… I need my inhaler.
.
” I stammered, getting out of bed and rummaging for though my backpack, NOT looking for my inhaler.
When what I was looking for wasn't there, I turned around, feeling very weak and light-headed.

“Oh my gosh guys… no…” I breathed.
I leaned against the dresser for support while my two friends broke out into nervous giggles, trying to hide the book.

My friend that was sitting on the bed with me, oblivious to what was happening walked over and turned on the light.
“What happened?”
Then we both saw the unmistakable blue cover of my journal.

“I brought that so my parents wouldn’t read it, and this is what you guys do?” I said, hearing my voice crack.

One of my friends tried to justify their actions
“It was too dark to read, so we just looked at your drawings” She said.

My friend and I walked out of the room where I sat quietly on the sofa hugging my knees.

Then I walked back in and fell asleep.

So the answer is no.
NO you SHOULD NOT read your child’s journal.
It’s a complete and utter violation of their privacy.

I lost my friends’ trust that day, and they will never get it back.

You don’t want to lose your child’s trust like that.

Trust me.
I know.



I just got one for my 9 year old.
I also got one for myself as I do believe in writing out things, just never did it before.
I try and not order her to do things but set an example.

I made it very clear that this is private stuff.
I had no intention on reading hers.
It has a lock on it even.

Well long story short as I was eating breakfast this morning it was just siting there.
We have just come back from an amazing vacation.
I was curious as to her take on it.

So I believe what I did was wrong and I’m a hypocrite for reading it.
I’ll say that first.

But I was appalled at what she has been writing.
She’s lying to me and wrote some very hurtful things.
Now mind you everyone thinks she’s the perfect little child.
I mean nobody’s perfect but she’s very well behaved and a lot of parents want her to have sleepovers as they say with her there’s no drama (I guess after a few hours a lot of kids start to fight).
She does great in school and again is very well behaved.

Lying is one of the big ones that she knows is exceedingly wrong and her mother and I will come down hard on that.
So I just found out she’s lying to me.
Again I lied too as I said I wouldn’t read it so I have no excuse for that.

Also again she wrote some very hurtful things.

Now I’m not one of the big Quora writers.
Most of what I write gets little to none views which is ok as I enjoy writing.
I mention this only because I write a lot about prison and am an ex convict and have one crazy life.

My point with that is, my daughter has a life that I never would have dreamed of; ever.
Honestly my wife could say the same though she had a stable life and is as straight as an arrow but she grew up in poverty in South America.

So we both make sure she has everything possible to ensure she has a good life.

And now I find out she’s not the person, well I don’t know what to think.
I sit here stunned.

So I believe children have a right to privacy but on the other hand I think it’s good to know what’s really going on.
A crooked tree can be fixed much easier as a sapling than a grown tree.

Only problem is I have no idea how to handle this.

As with everything in life, it’s not so easy as black and white.


Nope.
This false “I just care so much” is a mask for “I need complete control.
” Even children and teens have a right to their own thoughts and should be allowed a safe space to get things off of their chest through writing in a diary that is for their eyes only.

Before I begin, I have never taken drugs, never snuck out of the house, never skipped school, never drank alcohol underage, have never smoked, never had sex as a teen, never had legal trouble, never had failing grades, never had suspicious friends, never had tattoos or unnatural hair colors, etc.
My family had literally zero reason to feel compelled to read my diary.

I stopped keeping a diary as a kid because my diaries were read.
Then, at 12, I had a voice activated diary and felt safe with that until I ran out of pages.
I scotched taped other diary pages together as a kid so that I would know that they hadn't been read.
They contained nothing nefarious, but I just wanted privacy.

For example, my family teased me because in my diary, I doodled 2 dolphins jumping out of the ocean towards each other to kiss with a bunch of hearts above their heads.
It was very innocent stuff to be mocked and teased about.

Because I didn't keep a diary any longer, as I got older, my instant messaging histories were read (without my knowledge at the time) because somehow my family was able to find the source file, despite the messaging service (AIM/ MSN) having password protection.
This was in the days people had a “computer room” and families shared a desktop computer.

If you feel entitled to reading your child's private thoughts and feelings, you may want to try getting a life of your own.
They didn't ask to be born under your roof so give them some space.


No.
Parents should not read their children’s diaries.

First, it’s a crime (at least in Germany; the same way parents are not allowed to read your letters without your permission).
Second, it’s a disgusting breach of privacy and it teaches your child that you cannot be trusted.
Someone I know actually stopped keeping a diary for that very reason: She knew that her parents would go through it, if they deemed it necessary (which, according to her, would not take much).
Which is a pity, because she says that she would have loved to continue writing in it.
Third, usually, there is no reason to go through a child’s diary.
Yeah, children have weird phases, they have awkward phases, they might not want to tell you everything, but that’s their right.
Your job as a parent is to make them trust you enough to talk about serious issues, not learn about them behind their back.

There is only one scenario in which you are, in my opinion, allowed to skim (!) recent diary entries: You have sufficient cause (not wishy-washy something’s up parental feelings; you need to have concrete evidence and exhausted pretty much all other avenues) to believe that your child might be the victim of (sexual) abuse, contemplating suicide, or using heavy weight drugs.
A child being moodier than usual is not sufficient cause.

I once left my diary lying around in the open by accident; my mother came upon it and instead of reading it, she immediately closed it, put it somewhere where nobody would find it, and informed me of what she did.
That is trust.

Should I ever learn that my wife read the diary of one of our future children, that would probably be the very first time that I would yell at her and chew her out like there is no tomorrow.

Because trust is important.



Not if they actually value their kids as human beings.
If you allow your kid no privacy, they will sneak it whenever they can and they will find a way.
I had the overbearing type of parent.
They'd read journals, listen to calls, etc.
I had no chance to explore who I was as a person until college.
I couldn't talk to friends about anything personal because my parents would be listening.
I couldn't do anything without their oversight and it crushed any self confidence I had.
I did a lot of dumb (and some criminal) stuff because defying them in whatever way I could felt good.
In college, I learned a valuable lesson.
I learned that I hated my parents.
I could've been happy as a teenager with a moderate amount of freedom.
I could have learned to handle situations on my own if they’d allowed me to do so.
I could have had awesome friendships if they hadn't been so paranoid.
I could've flourished so much sooner.
Their paranoia held me back.

If you love your kids as more than just an accessory to make you look good, then no.
You don’t have the right to invade their privacy.
You will only hold them back and you will destroy any hope of a relationship with them in the process.



Look I trust my children 15 and 18.
Knowing that, they can still surprise me.
They pass code the computers, phones, play stations, and every other electronics we have in the house.
I believe in privacy to a point, but I pay for the devices, the internet, the cable, the electricity, food, their clothing and schooling.

Why do I get concerned? They get quiet when I enter a room, they stop texting, and they play games with people all over the world.
I don't know who they are talking to, male, female, age, if they are on a sex offenders list.
So I don't pry into their devices but if a text comes across I will look at their phones if they are left out in the open.

I'm really glad I did in my daughter's case, she's 15 the boy was over 18.
The text was very explicit, asking for face timing.
I didn't tell her I saw it, instead a few days later, I reminded her of the rules, and that once somethings out on the net, you can never get it back.

So now I take her headphones every once and a while and talk to who she's talking to.
If they respond poorly I put an end to it.
My son's 18 so I do not monitor him nearly as much, but I remind him of house rules.
He's a sophomore in college with a 4.
0 but if I became concerned, I would still absolutely step in.

Yes, they have a right to some privacy, but total privacy belongs to adults.
Hell, I don't even get total privacy, they walk into my room, ask personal questions, talk to me while I'm on the phone, and in general are just intrusive at times.

It's a balancing act, if you think something’s wrong it's your responsibility as the adult to find out what by what ever means necessary.


It’s interesting how strongly most answers feel about reading (their own) child’s diary.
While as a child (or when I was a child) I would not want my parents to read my diary, I would not hesitate to do the same, if required.
I am not my parent – or more bluntly, my parents had very limited parenting skills and no good will come of them reading my diary.

My child is quite honest and there are no secrets at all between us.
But he is only in his pre-teen and whether he continues to be open and share his views with me might change in the years to come.
If you feel there is a need to, then as a parent it is as much your responsibility as it is a right to read your child’s diary.
And it is even more important NOT to address the contents of the diary directly with your child.
Recognize this is your child’s private thoughts.
You now have to walk the fine line of knowing what you know, but only using that information in a positive way to help your child and without any judgement whatsoever.
That can be easier said than done.
If you can handle the information appropriately and if you feel there is a need, then you can and should.
Or just use the information to get appropriate professional help if required.

If I ever end up reading my child’s diary I will sooner or later own up to it and explain myself.
I am not saying you should do the same, but I want to keep my relationship as honest as I can.


It betrays a child’s trust.
It says to your child that it’s okay for them to read your private things and the private things of their future spouse.

Asking whether something is right often gets responded to as if the question were, “Can positive things come out of this?” Nearly always the answer will be yes.
In this case, a parent might find out about drug use, self harm, bulimia.
The answers will suggest the idea is a good one.

But it isn’t.
The better question is, “What are the possible downsides? Is there a better way that avoids those downsides?”
If you betray your values when you can’t figure out a better way, then you’re showing your child that it’s okay to do that.
Whenever they can’t figure out a better way, your actions say it’s okay to toss values aside.

Is that the message you want? Don’t you want your child to have better relationships skills than that? If you want them to have better skills, they need to see better skills in action.

Communication is what’s needed.
Also being trustworthy.
You need to be the person your child trusts the most.
Reading their diary will be a giant step away from that.

Parent/Teen Breakthrough: The relationship approach by Mira Kirshenbaum is excellent.
It covers many very difficult scenarios with kids who have shut down.

I haven’t read How to Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish but I did read their “How to Talk to Kids …” book which was excellent.


Hell no they dont.

I dont care if you bought them that diary, I dont care if you are the adult, and I dont care if you pay the bills for the house! That is NOT an excuse to invade anyone’s privacy, even if its a child!
I saw this article once, where this mother found her daughters diary and began to read the whole entire thing WITHOUT the child’s knowledge.
Of course, she used the same old bullshit excuses for her behavior: BUt Im ThE AdUlT! MY cHilD lIvEs UndEr MyRoOf!1!1! SHE HAS NO PRIVACY!!! Now, lets stop right there.
First of all, what makes you think that just because she’s under 18, that she has absolutely no rights? She may not be an adult but she’s still a human being! Everyone deserves rights no matter what age they are.
Second of all, every single one of us has things that we dont like to talk about with others, not even with our very own family members.
Third of all, why did you buy her that diary in the first place? If you didn’t want her to keep secrets away from you you could’ve just not bought her one.

However, having a diary is a great opportunity for someone to get those inner feelings out without having to tell anyone.
For you to just break into her room and snoop into her diary like that is just you being careless, disrespectful, and selfish.
That is not good parenting despite what you believe.
In fact, you betray a child’s trust by doing something like that.
Growing up, my parents have always allowed me some privacy because they KNOW that I’m a human being too who needs time to herself once in a while.

If you are going to check your childs phone, read their diary, or monitor their online activities, first you should tell them, then you should tell them why you’re doing it.
NEVER do it without their knowledge unless you have a really STRONG feeling that they could be hiding something.
Educate your children about the risks of being online, and make sure you tell them to watch who they are talking to.

Dont act like this kind of behavior where you being all up on your child’s grill is responsible, because if you were really that responsible and secure you wouldn’t be feeling the need to unnecessarily snoop in on them and know every single detail of their lives 24/7.

Rant over.


Journals are private, phones belong to parents.

I gave my daughters all the journals they wanted to fill and whatever security measures they felt they needed to keep them safe (my youngest wanted her own safe—i gave her the money and she bought it herself, for the highest security).
I encouraged them to write their deepest thoughts and feelings in the journals, and taught them the importance of respecting each other’s privacy.

I shared various journaling methods that would help them explore and develop their creativity and express themselves deeply.
I also offered journaling exercises and story starters to help keep them going and interested.
They have all developed a regular habit of writing, not only in journals but also stories and award-winning term papers and theses.

When it became time to get them cell phones in their early teens, I let them know that the privilege of having one involved me having access to all their social media.
Too much clandestine danger lurks out there which young (and sometimes older) people are not equipped to handle.
I have a responsibility to protect my children while also giving them experiences to help them grow and mature.
That was the best compromise I found.

They accepted my terms from the start and never complained (very loudly) about my monthly stroll through their apps.
It’s not a perfect system, but it clearly sent a message about the seriousness of our online doings and the safety hazards involved.
We have never had any situations of them over-sharing or having their personal safety boundaries crossed online.

All of this took place within the context of lots of open communication since they were born, deep trust and love, and my thorough explanations for all the big decisions I made.
My girls are confident, thoughtful, and emotionally stable, as the oldest is now taking her early steps in adulthood.
I couldn’t be prouder


If I were a mom, I wouldn’t do it, unless I had a real reason to suspect that my child was hiding something very serious from me (plans to hurt someone, thoughts of suicide, danger that they’re in, etc.
).
I’m telling you right now, your kid is not gonna tell you every single thing, you won’t know every single thing, and that’s OK.
Your kid needs space, and if a diary is their way of dealing with info that they don’t want anyone to know, respect your child’s privacy and don’t read it.
If you do read it and your child finds out, you will lose their trust, and having your child’s trust is way more important than knowing every little detail of their life.
You want your child to trust you enough to be able to talk to you about things that are actually worth knowing, so that you can be there for your child.
If your child doesn’t trust you, they’ll face the world without your support in a sense, which often leads to trouble.
So ya, unless you suspect something serious is going on, don’t invade your kid’s privacy.


If its a benign entry, then there would have been no point in invading their privacy.

if they write things in their diary and then act it out, and then write about killing themselves, then reading their diary is needed.

Ultimately, its impossible to know these things unless one reads the words.

In such a case where u read some benign harmless entry, then you should come clean to your child, and tell them about it, and also tell them, something like.
.
“i will grant u a wish for anything u want or want to do.
’ etc.
or something that will expose you as much as they feel exposed by your invasion.
i.
e.
make amends!.

ultimately, if they want to divulge the information, they will.
if not, forcefull and underhanded invasive strategies like diary reading will only make things worse.
if they really need help, they will want to seek a safe space where no judgement or betrayal exists.
so, create a path to trust, and not hash out a more distrustworthy space where no one feels safe (i.
e.
dont read diaries!).
of course, if one cannot be bothered to spend the time and energy, then throwing things up in the air and saying .
.
right.
.
need to read this diary.
.
is not good.
it is however good when its a life and death situation.
e.
g.
someone leaves the house in tears cryng about suicide.
.
they may have written the location of where they plan to do suicide in their diary.
that of course warrants reading it.

boyfriends.
if for example, a boyfriend (because girls are generally more likely to write things in diaries)is alot older, and the daughter doesnt want parents to know.
.
then you should create a real true safe space no jujment no betrayl space where they can tell you about someone.
if they dont feel comfortable and in control, they wont divulge anything.

best thing is to let them be.
when they are sad or pist off, talk to them and just get them to divulge info.
it will be a whole lot more detailed than a diary!.
.


Well… I play around a little bit… And it corrects my parents mistakes.
My parents told my crush that I liked her, via parent information night (If the student doesn’t have anywhere to stay, they just go with their parents) and I instantly knew that they were snooping around in my journal.
My next entry was that I can’t believe they did that, and that they were the worst parents in the world, and that if they wanted another chance to gain my trust, they would have to make up for it.
The next day I got unlimited ice cream at a diner.
So if you have any complaints, keep a secret journal (Mine’s online), and keep a parent journal, for your parents to read your thoughts about them that you are too embarrassed, or lack the confidence to say it in real life.
Another option is to resort to talking to yourself.
It actually works like an automatic delete journal, you hear yourself talk, and no one knows.
(make sure no one is spying on you, and you’re not within hearing distance) If you have a recording device, hide it under a floorboard or a place no one would even think of checking, and nothing that could be donated (like in an old radio) without notice.

If you know me, please do not give out information to other pe.
.
.


I'm not a parent and am sure I'm out on a limb with this.
.
.
.
but although I feel that a child's privacy is important and generally sacred, if my child was acting out in extreme ways.
.
.
.
staying out too late, appearing to use drugs, getting into legal problems, etc.
I'd probably snoop to try to figure out what is going on with them.
What if they were about to run away and it was all written down there.
.
.
don't tell me you or the police wouldn't read it if it was
left on the bed when they didn't come home for three days???
 My real aim, were I parent, is that I would have created such a safe and loving bond between us, I could trust my child to tell me what is going on and important.
But that is probably idealistic to a max.

 I know my family worried I was doing bad things when I was one of the most conservative kids in school behavior-wise.
They were acting much WORSE than I ever did!


Absolutely not.
To do so would be a cruel and callous violation of privacy, and I am here talking about my own children.
My daughter kept a diary when she was a teen, but years later after she moved out, I happened to come across it when I was clearing out her old room while in the process of moving house.

I must admit I was sorely tempted to cast a non judgemental eye over its pages after I found the key to the rather elegant little locker she kept it in, so I did the next best thing and told her I’d found it.
Her reaction was strangely muted, in the end, I packed it in a box with the rest of her possessions and took them to her.

She stored them in her mum’s garage, but not long afterwards, her mother walked on to the motorway at 2 am in the morning and killed herself.
The woman suffered manic depressive illness throughout the entirety of our daughter’s life, who was born 26 weeks early as a matter of interest.

I’m glad I never looked at my daughter’s diary.

Our daughter lived with her mother during her well periods, but whenever she was sectioned, she lived with me, and all she asked for was sanctuary so she could get on with her life.
It was a rather beautiful arrangement actually.
I admired the way she coped with her mother’s illness, but at the same time, she needed the freedom that living with me afforded her.

It was different with her older brother.
Although he never kept a diary per se, he did write poetry which he put to music, much of which was extremely personal.
He tended to leave it lying around, but not with the explicit intention of me reading it.
I never commented on it, but in view of the fact that he is now a professional musician and song writer, perhaps I could have made some useful comments.



When you use the word ‘right’, NO, nobody has the right to read a personal diary.

But now imagine this:
Imagine you are a parent.
You know your child writes a diary and hides it.
This makes you curious and you try to find it everyday when the child is away.
One day, you succeed and start reading it.
You find that your child has hell lot of feelings and is a different person then he appears to be.
You are shocked to find that he has handled many hard situations all alone.
He has also been depressed and thought about ugliest ideas.
Now you have two options.
Either scold him(so that he can hide it in a better place next time) or have a more frank behaviour with him without revealing the fact that you read the diary.
Choosing the second option would make you his diary which would be the greatest feeling as parent.


Nope.

To all the people who say yes:
How come you’re all too lazy to talk to your child? You need a book to tell you what’s wrong with your child? Stop being lazy and have a serious talk with your child to see if anything’s wrong with them! Stop being LAZY!
Privacy violations will ruin your parent-child relationship.
You have a right to not share your sex life and we have a right to not share our life.
STOP BEING LAZY AND SPEAK WITH YOUR CHILD IF YOU FEEL SOMETHING IS WRONG WITHOUT READING THEIR DIARY BECAUSE YOU WERE TOO LAZY TO TALK WITH THEM FIRST!


This is the kind of question that can be difficult to answer without more information but let me try.

Ideally the parent should not need to read their child's diary because they should have an open and honest relationship with each other but sometimes that is not possible.
I do not think they should make a habit out of it because the diary can be a therapeutic activity for the child but if the parent is extremely worried that the child is doing drugs or has been hurt or abused and needs to get them help then I could understand them reading it once to see.
It should not be a complete read but a simple thumbing through it glancing at the topics to try and determine if there is an issue.
The parent should not make this a constant practice but one time thing.
This is also only if the child is under 18 and still living in their home.

Now if the child is over 18 then they should not be reading their diary regardless of if the child lives at home or not.

If the child is an adult and living on their own and the parent is visiting them at their house or the child is visiting the parent's home then absolutely not!


This is a touchy subject for me because it happened to me.
My mom realized I was suicidal (I was at the time), thought I had a plan in my diary, and read it while I was at work.
I later found out without her telling me (I had an electronic diary at the time, and I saw it in her reading history).
I was furious and lost a lot of respect and trust in my mom that day.
Later she admitted what she did and asked for forgiveness.
I did since I understood why she did it, but I still feel that she made an incredibly poor decision.
So in short…did she have the right to do it? No.
Did she genuinely believe she could save my life by doing it? Yes.
Does that make it right? No, but perhaps a bit justified.
That’s the ONLY circumstance where I could ever justify reading your child’s diary.


NO.

A diary is supposed to be personal.
People write their personal experiences, problems, sadness, happiness , all emotional as well as spiritual occurences of their life.

It doesn’t seem right to take a peek into it unless they show it to you themselves.

How would you feel if someone looked into your personal matters? I’m sure, it would be a feeling of anger and betrayal .

Some things are best to be kept unattented and a diary comes into that category.



Recently having moved out of my parents’ house, I would say ABSOLUTELY NO.

As a teen I did keep a diary, and I wrote deeply personal things in it: my feeling of loneliness, depression and anxiety, sexual anxiety, etc.
None of those things I wanted my mom to see.
I especially did not want to randomly learn that she had been reading my diary, as that destroys trust between a child and their parents.
Just think about if you want someone going through your personal life, intruding in your space.

If you are curious or concerned about your child's well-being, just ask, I am sure that will pay off much more than losing their trust.
(However sneaky you think you are, your child will find out.
)


Updated: 15.06.2019 — 8:12 pm

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