Do distance relationships work How can you make it work

Do distance relationships work? How can you make it work?


First and foremost, this absolutely cannot be generalized.
It totally depends upon the people involved in the Long Distance Relationship.

I think I am well qualified to answer this question, since I was in a 4.
5 years long distance relationship, and now we are finally together and very happy!
I would be lying if I say that it is a piece of cake, because it's not.
Absolutely not.
It is a lot of hard work and determination and the only thing which kept us going was the love we had for each other.

They say in beautiful romantic novels/movies-
"If you're in love, distance does not matter"
To that, I say bullshit! Distance matters a lot.
Especially on days when you feel down and just want to see your loved one at the end of the day and all you have is your phone.

Some pointers from my LD relationship, which helped us work it out-
To sum up, YES.
Long-distance relationship can work out very nicely if you both really want to be together.

​Funny poses!
Edit –
Now we're happily married!!



The duration of any long distance relationship depends on you and your partner, and how well you can manage the distance and the different challenges.

My current LDR has lasted for 16 years now and there’s no sign of trouble.
For most people an LDR is a temporary arrangement — while one or both partners are in school, or one is on a job abroad for a time, or they’re living in different countries and are getting to know each other at a distance before deciding to go through the immigration process.
Ours is permanently long distance because both of us have strong ties to the country we live in, and neither of us will move.

It takes special care to maintain an LDR since you don’t see each other often; you need to replace a lot of non-verbal communication with a verbal equivalent.
I am glad we live in the age of the internet, because the first time I was in an LDR we just had snail mail and the phone, and the latter was very expensive.

You need to manage expectations, so you are both on the same page.
If you have very different ideas of how this should work, it won’t.
Communication matters in every relationship, but it matters more when you don’t see each other much.
We are very honest with each other, because there really isn’t much room for guessing games since we can’t see body language that might express something contrary to what we are saying.
That sort of thing would just sabotage us.

We communicate every day — we know each other’s schedule.
we have a permanent IM window open and send each other messages about everything, but we don’t necessarily have long talks every day, and we definitely don’t talk much on the phone.
We don’t need that; asynchronous communication works really well for us.
Since we are not right there to share our lives automatically, we bring our lives to each other by talking about them, sending photos, music, reading books & watching movies and talking about them.
We play online games together (we have a huge Minecraft world in which we both build surprises for each other).
We send each other small, personal gifts, and we also send snail mail, tangible evidence that we care about each other, that the other person can touch when they are having a bad day.
We tell each other about the other people in our lives, and what’s going on at work.

But we’re not living in each others pockets; we each definitely have our own lives, and they’re pretty full.
I think this is important.
You need to both be independent and not prone to feeling lonely all the time without your partner by your side.
At the same time you should probably not get romantically close to other people (unless you’re polyamorous), because that’ll tear the LDR fabric pretty quickly.
If either of you is always worrying whether the other is being faithful, this won’t last long.
You need to be able to trust each other, which means you need to both be trustworthy.

You’ll have to figure out how to handle your sex lives.
Be creative.
😉
Most people save up all their pennies for visits.
We visit once a year only, and that works for us.

For most people, having an end goal in mind is important, so they can mark off milestones and see how they’re getting closer to reaching the final goal together.
We don’t have that, but again, that is unusual.

So yeah, LDRs can last.
But they’re not for everybody.


You will hear a lot of people saying that long distance relationships are not meant to last.
Since you are not together, eventually your priorities change and you will come to the breaking point where you have no choice but to end the relationship altogether.

Even your friends and family might discourage having a long distance relationship because usually, one of the two people don’t take it seriously and then the one who truly wanted it to work remains heartbroken.

What I think is a long distance relationship could work but only if both of you do your share to make it work.
It is not going to be easy and you will get sad and lonely at times but you must not give up.
Being far away from the one you love make small wishes such as holding their hand, eating together at the same table, talking, walking together, smelling their hair etc.
so much meaningful.
Making it work is tough no doubt but to keep the love alive, here are some tips for you:
A lot of people think that since they are not together, they should communicate throughout the day to keep the relationship going.
Hold on! It’s a bad idea to compensate for the distance.
Your partner may not be able to give you 12 hours a day.
They need their own personal space, they have to work, make friends and carry on the routine activities.
You don’t want to be teasing them and make the matter worse by texting them every single minute.
Yes, you should talk but don’t try to stick your nose in everything.

Do you want to spend the rest of your life with this person? Then consider long distance as an opportunity.
Teach yourself how to live apart.
Through this experience, your bond will become even stronger.
If unfortunately, it becomes weak, then consider it’s not meant to be.

It is better to communicate about what you expect of each other from the start.
Set some rules stating that none of you will do these things.
If both of you are clear and you know your commitment level, then moving forward would be easier.

Let’s face it, there will be some misunderstanding that both of you have to talk about.
In fact, communication will solve most of the problems.
If you are not really giving your partner something to long about, they will lose interest in you.
Of course, both of you promised to stay committed but you need to write it in black and white what you expect from each other to keep that commitment alive.

You must greet each other with a good morning and good night text each day.
Make sure you keep them updated on what’s happening in your life.
You can send short videos, audio clips, and pictures to each other from time to time.
It shouldn’t be an obligation; it should be something you are doing to stay connected to each other.
If you show effort, this will make the other person feel loved and attended to.

If you really want to keep the relationship strong, you must create sexual tension.
Keep the flame burning by sending sexual texts and sexy puns.
If you can see them other the weekend, then go take that trip to keep the sexual desire alive.
Otherwise, they will eventually be inclined to have a sexual relationship with another person even if they don’t love them.

Just because you are not in the same room, it doesn’t mean you can’t do things together.
You must do some activities together like shopping online, watching a documentary on YouTube or playing a game online.
This could be something both of you would look forward to doing.

Visits are the highlight of your relationship.
Even if you are doing everything else right but you don’t visit them, this could make things worse.
You have to keep the spark alive by visiting them.
If you can’t do that frequently, then do it from time to time.

Remember that you are alone not lonely.
So make sure you spend time with your friends and family.
Let your partner do the same.
Now that you do get to see them, it is time you fill the void by getting a new hobby or going to the gym.
It’s actually healthy to do things that don’t involve your partner.
Don’t be codependent on them for your happiness.
You must find a way to do things that make you happy without them too.
This tip is not just the couples that are in long distance relationships but those that live in the same room.

Whatever fears you have, let them out.
Talk to your partner about the feelings of insecurity, fear, jealousy etc.
If you try hiding anything, the secret will eat you from the inside.
Sometimes, you can’t deal with such feelings on your own.
You have to open and honest.
Maybe talking to them will resolve the trouble and offer you the support you need.
Don’t keep things and disclose them only when it is too late.
You must establish a relationship on honest grounds.

You must share your schedule with your partner.
In fact, both of you must.
This will help you figure out when they are busy or free and when is the right time to call them or leave a message.
You would never want to interrupt them when they are in the middle of something.
If you have decided you will talk at 9 pm, then it must be 9 pm.
This is especially important if both of you are living in different time zones.
Learn to respect each other’s schedule as much as you can.

A present from you can make their day.
Before they leave, it is recommended to get an object (present) which they can hold on to.
It will remind them of you whenever they will see it.
Then, the next thing is to send them gifts time after time.
If you can’t be there, then why not buy them something nice to let them know you care about them and you love them.

Sending flowers on birthday, valentine’s days and anniversaries is a must.
Don’t forget to send postcard and hand-written letters.

Relationship experts say that long distance relationships are easier now than they were before because we have technology to stay connected with our loved ones.

Texts, FaceTime, and video chats are really helpful in keeping in touch.
It is important that you use technology and share all important details of your life with your partner.
Don’t talk about general stuff like I went on a dinner today and it was fun.
Instead, give them details.
Talk about what you ate, what you talked about and how that made you feel.
It will help in making their day come alive.

That does not mean your conversations must always be about what you do, how you spent the day etc.
there should be other meaningful stuff to share.
Let’s suppose if nothing great happened in a day, that’s ok, let them know it was a crappy day but keep on engaging with them.
You must hear about their day too.

It would be great to have things that the two of you can share even when you are a part.
This will make you feel closer to the other person.
For instance, both of you can go out and look at the moon together and talk.
Be as much creative as you can in setting up these little rituals.
It will make your bond and love stronger.
It will be these memories that you would like to hold on to for forever.

This tip is especially meant for those who are in a long distance relationship and in college.
Before wasting someone’s time, you must make sure you are truly committed to them.
It is hard to remain single in college.
Who knows you find someone else you fall for.
You must be sure if long distance is what you want.
You must have a plan for what happens next and how both of you are going to work towards the goal of staying together.
Since you are not sure about your future, you can hardly plan a future with someone else.
Only peruse a long distance relationship if you are sure you can be committed.
Sometimes, person A is committed and person B isn’t.
It’s best if both of you are on the same page otherwise, it is not worth wasting emotions and each other’s time.

It is important for you to inject positive energy into your relationship.
Even if you feel lonely and you can’t bear waiting, you must stay calm.
A great tip to stay positive is to be grateful that you have someone you love.
Thank god for keeping them safe and healthy.

You must stay confident in the relationship.
Insecurities can lead one partner checking into the other too often.
Excessive calls and text messages can create unnecessary tension.
Do not let communication be hijacked by insecurity.
You must trust your partner and keep reminding yourself that everything happens for the best.
Pick up a hobby to stay out of paranoia.

Sometimes, things don’t go according to plan so don’t panic if it’s not perfect or if you have to struggle to make it work.
These initial growing pains are normal.
Remember that all this pain will go away eventually and you will be together one day.
Keep the bigger goal in mind whenever you feel like giving up.

There is no such thing as a perfect relationship.
In fact, each relationship requires nurturing and since you are miles and miles away from each other, you will have to put extra effort in making things work.
As long as you are committed and you love each other, you will make it work.




I was in a long distance relationship with my partner for more than 3 years.
She was living in Sydney, Australia and I was in Silver Spring, U.
S.
, which gave us 12h of time zone difference.
It was so difficult for us to communicate or simply to find the right time that suited both of us.

We were both working and therefore it was harder to talk during the week.
We found some free time in the weekends for FaceTime and WhatsApp calls, but we spent most of our time sending each other messages on chat applications.

By living this experience, I totally understand it when people come to me and say that it’s hard to be in a LDR, because it is, and even today I’m supporting those who are fighting for it because it’s not that easy.

I remember missing her so much every day, so in need to be near her, spend time with her or just have her close to me… And today I can say that one of the good things about distance is that you realise how deep and real your feelings are for your partner, it’s exactly what happened to me.

In moments of weakness, I’d hear a small voice in my head telling me to never give up, and this voice was strengthened by my love.
And it’s what I did, I fought till the end, we both did, and it ended up quite well since we decided to get married and move to Singapore where we both had the chance to work and live happily.

So yeah, I know how hard it is to be in a LDR, I know it’s very difficult to fight for it but I always kept in mind that time flies, and everything will happen so fast, you won’t even realise it.
Keep fighting even though you’re tired, even though sometimes you will feel like it may be pointless, but it’s not.

My greatest advice to you is that you should be aware that it’s all about will, patience but mostly communication.
With no effective communication, it’s hard to understand each other’s emotions, feelings and needs, and this is what we did:
With all of this said, I hope my experience will help you make the right decisions.
I can guarantee you that it’s worth fighting for, there’s no greater satisfaction than when you’re reunited and realise how much you care about each other.

I’d also like to recommend an app that helped us go through this.
It curates all your most important moments and is called Deary (https://dearyapp.
com/?utm_source.
.
.
).
It really gave us the ability to keep our beautiful conversations in one single place, and in the same time, we could print a book with all our most meaningful messages… trust me, it was a great romantic gift, my girlfriend loved it!


Several studies have shown that a positive correlation exists between time spent together and relationship satisfaction.
[1] [2]
But! Does time spent together cause a high relationship satisfaction? Unclear.
Because, the reverse may be true too: High relationship satisfaction causes increased time spent together.

The only way to prove a causal relationship would be to take a bunch of couples, split them into two similar groups, force couples in one group to spend more time together, wait for some time, then compare relationship satisfaction levels in the two groups.
But.
.
But.
.
We cannot actually do that experiment, right?
Wrong.
That’s what this study[3] did.
They randomly assigned 53 married couples into two groups.
They instructed couples in one group to do more weekly activities together.
After 10 weeks, they found that couples who reported spending more time together as instructed, showed no increase in marital satisfaction than the control group.

Yes, you are right.
There are many many limitations to that experiment.
How about this one? This study[4] compared self-reported levels of relationship satisfaction and relationship progress, among 194 individuals in premarital long distance relationships and 190 in premarital proximal relationships, and found no significant differences, which suggests that the amount of time a couple spends together does not itself play a central role in relationship maintenance.

This study[5] shockingly found that the most effective coping strategies in long distance relationships involved frequency of visits and quality of verbal communication.

The same study also found that the sky is blue, water is wet, and the bear does, in fact, shit in the woods.


It was my 14th birthday.
I was in 9th std.
I went to school wearing new clothes.
Celebrated my birthday in school, distributed chocolates in class and staff room.
After school went to coaching class.
In coaching everyone greeted me and same I distributed chocolates in class also.
After one lecture I went to corner to drink the water and there was one girl standing there .
She greeted me, I thanked her.
After that she said “I LOVE YOU”.
I was like in seventh heaven.
For a moment i thought it was a dream, but it wasn’t.
And I accepted her proposal and OUR SWEET JOURNEY OF LOVE BEGAN.

This was the girl i used to stare at.
She was the most beautiful girl, very innocent, helpful and much more.
I used think about her.
I liked her very much.
She was the reason of my full attendance in class.
I decided to tell her about this.
And once on a Facebook chat i said that i liked her , she replied this cannot happen because she didn’t believe in love and relationships.
I asked her but she said we can only be good friend and nothing beyond this can happen between us.
I became very sad.
After that one of my friend convinced her and it finally happened on my birthday.

Now the journey had started.
We both were not in same school, so the initial days went in knowing each other.
First we became best friend.
We used share each and every thing with each other.
Life was at its best at that time.
We used to chat whole night, talked for hours and hours.
Someone was there other than parents who used to for me so much.
It was the best feeling.
Not only love talks but we used to fight as well .
Once she asked me that ‘Will you ever leave me?’ And what I said was a big NO.
And we promised each other that will not leave each other ever.

Every thing was going good.
We both passed 10th with good percentage and off course she got more than me :).
Now she was interested in Biology and i chose Mathematics.
We both were tensed after the 10th result because we were going to be at different place for coaching .
I went to Hyderabad for JEE coaching just after a week of exam completion.
Still she had not decided about the admission.
I was very worried that that will our relation go on or will it end .
Second tension was that if she likes another boy etc etc (Boyfriend tensions).
Same was the situation with her too.

I went to the coaching, in a week i started feeling home sick, i didn’t like the food and atmosphere and i decided to go back home and take admission in our area.
Till then i didn’t have any idea of where she took admission.
Then i came back and took admission in a institute which was at a distance of 100 km from our city.
I joined that institute and it was my first class.
And I was surprised as she was there sitting on first bench and seeing at me with a raised eyebrow.
(You might think that hows this possible .
She might have told the name of institute on phone .
But all what happened was really fast.
There was no time tell each other.
)
Again the good days started.
I thanked God for bringing us back together.
All was going good.
We used to live in same campus in respective hostels.
For her parents (mainly mom) we were just good friends.
On one of the weekend holidays, at home she was editing her photo with mine and some love quotes in laptop and she forgot to hide the pics.
And her father saw it.
In these type of matters her father was very strict.
He was from political background so you can understand what had happened to him after seeing thess type of pics of his daughter(somewhat like film scenes).
He warned her to quit all this things.
I was also frightened by hearing this.
I told her that we should take a break now.
But she said NO, she can’t live without talking to me for a single day and same was the condition with me and we continued.
But now the days changed slightly.
We didn't have that much freedom we had earlier.
This all happened in mid of 11th.
We used talk too much, chat whole night.
Then too we were not satisfied by this .
So much we loved each other.
After this matter her parents didn't gave her mobile.
.
but she used to wait in STD queue for hours just to talk with me .
.
so much she loved me.
She used to give me gift which were handmade.
She was very creative artist.
I was very lucky to have her.

Due to some personal problem in 12th I left that campus and took admission in other branch of same institute in other city and my family transferred this new city(which was at distance of 1 hr from initial city).

And now the second phase of this journey started THE DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP.
During this time rector of her hostel complained her father that she used to talk with me and used to meet me.
This was the second time her father came to know about us.
Now this time his anger had no limit.
He badly scolded her.
This time she also promised that she will not talk with me and etc etc.
But this not stopped us.
Then also we used to talk daily on calls and had chats.
Now it was long time that we were together very close .
Also we had not meet each for a long time.
And I had shifted to other city so that was other problems to meet.
Though it was distance relationship our bond had become more deeper.
Till 12 everything was going smooth and easy .
There was no problem of privacy because she used to stay in hostel.
She used call me from her friends mobile.
Now 12 exams were over, results were out.
I didn't got a decent rank in JEE.
So decided to take a gap.
About her, she took admission for BDS in well reputed college(She had topped the entrance exam of that college) in her hometown ( which used to be mine too) and now there was no hostel so no privacy to talk properly.
I didn't joined any coaching and decided to do self study at home itself.

The bad days started.
Now she was not able to give me enough time( she was not able to talk in front of her parents) and as for regret, she would feel worse about not giving me good time.
And than the frequency of fighting increased and love talks decrease.
We didn't meet each other since 11th and now I was in 13th since 1 and half years had happened.
I could hear the frustration in her voice for not meeting.
Due to her strict parents ( in my case only ,other wise they loved their princess too much ) we were not getting time to talk and chat, this laid to lots of miss understanding.
I was the same man who loved her wholeheartedly from initial days, but she became formal day by day.
She got changed.
Now she stop sharing things with me.
Just listened to my talks and behaved formal.
I was not able to get what actually happened to her and how to sort out all this, side by side there was exam tension, though I had repeated I was not able to concentrate.

So before exam 2 months she told that wants to take break for two months .
After your exam completes we will continue.
I also accepted that and switched off the mobile for 2 months.
After last paper, first thing I did is that came home and switched on mobile and made my first call to her and talked to her for a long time.
Just felt very comforted after listening her sweet voice, after a long period of two months .
She also reacted the same and gave good response.
I was also happy that we will have the initial days back.

But I was wrong, again from second day she started behaving formal.
I was very confused that the girl who loved me so much, didn't listen to her parents for my sake, is behaving today as if I am nothing for her now.
It hurt me a lot.
This all happened because we were not able to meet, communicate like earlier.
I had hopes of good future, but she didn’t.
I tried to convinced her that not now but we can come together in future but she reacted negatively.
She started saying that this will end in few days .
And the formal talk continued.

One day after exams in holidays I went to the institute to take a certificate and what a luck she was also there for same reason and we didn't knew that we both are coming(God also wanted to bring us together and make us a happy couple).
I was very glad to see her there and other advantage was that her parents were also not with her at that time.
So I thought we would get enough time to sort out all this, and start a good relationship again.
So I called her but she refused and ignored me.
Now this was not expected at all.
It hurts when someone loves you, care for you till yesterday and today just treats you as if you don't exist.
This happened that day so I decided to breakup and called her that night and asked her that why didn’t she come? She said didn’t want to come.
She was like nothing much has happened and readily accepted the breakup.

I was angry in that period so I didn't bother about that thing.
And my results were out and I took admission in NIT Nagpur.
Though the end was not good but the memories of four years were very sweet.
And from a month after that thing happened I started missing her too much.
I just wanted to proposed her again but I stop myself.
This happened 2 -3 times.
But I can't control now.
So I recently tried to contact her .
So I messaged heron whats app, she just saw my message and blocked me on whats app, Facebook, Instagram .
I daily check her account through my friends account to see her pics.
Always she comes in my dream with some romantic situation and I always pray to God so that she can accept me again.
She is not ready to talk with me at all.
Today also I didn't got actually what happened exactly.
One of gift she gave me on valentine day 2016.
She was too good.

Today if someone asks me ‘WHAT IS HELL?’, I WOULD ANSWER ‘DISTANCE BETWEEN PEOPLE WHO LOVE EACH OTHER’
Long distance relationship can only work if there is a plan to end the distance.

Today whenever i see the gifts given by her, all the good scenes come in front of my eyes.
I JUST WANT HER BACK NOW.
The reason of writing much big description is that in case she reads and feels something good for me and accepts me.

All the hugs
all the kisses
all the cuddles
all the memories
I miss them all
I really do
Please come back…
Don’t you miss them too?


It really depends on the people involve in the relationship.
So my answer will mostly be based on my experience.

My fiance and I are in a long distance relationship and a long term engagement (her being in the Middle East and me in the Philippines).
We met on an online game called Club Audition Dance Battle Philippines when I was still in 2nd year college and she just graduated from college, my friend introduced me to her in the game without the knowledge that she’s going to be my fiance/wife in the future.
We started playing together every night and got to know each other very well that eventually led us to being in a relationship.
(Keep in mind that even though we’re still in the same country back then, we still have distance as our enemy because she lives too far from me).
Our first meeting happened on my birthday, she came to my hometown without me knowing and spend the day there.
But eventually, we broke up because our relationship was affecting my studies and I was still moving on from my past relationship (I know I’m a jerk) which she understood but took it too hard.

After our breakup, she was in different relationships while I remained single.
When I was mainly focused on my studies, she told me that she will be working in the Middle East with her aunties.
This news shocked me because I’ve heard news that OFWs (Overseas Filipino Workers) suffered a lot there.
I wasn’t able to convince her out of it.
The next thing I knew she was in Abu Dhabi.
We didn’t talk a lot because she had a boyfriend and we eventually loose communication.
After 2 years, my hard work and sweat finally paid off, I was able to graduate from my course BSc IT and got a job immediately.
1 year has passed since my graduation, I chatted her asking how’s she been.
Her answer was she’s not in good terms with his BF and that he cheated on her.
But even with that event with her BF, she is still with him.
That’s when it struck me, I was still in love with her, I still have feeling with this girl and I want to be with her again.
So I started chatting with her daily.
When she came home for a vacation, we started meeting and one particular event, her BF was with her.
His BF was a lot shorter that me but I noticed that her BF resembles me.

When they broke up, that’s when I made my move.
I told her how much I missed her and how I wanted to be with her again.
She told me how can make the relationship work with distance is a problem.
I told her that we had distance when we were together before and it didn’t matter.
I trust her completely and she trust me just the same.
We chat on Facebook, Gmail and even sometimes here on Quora.
If we have a chance and time, we video call on Skype and Imo.
We are loyal to each other and will not dare betray one another.

Now, we’re currently happy and engaged.
We are bound to get married on March 2019.
As long as we trust each other, remain loyal to each other and have communication, we will get through everything and make our dreams a reality.

(A little treat for you guys who read it to the very end, a picture of me and her.
)
************************ UPDATE **************************
And we’re finally married!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
March 22, 2019.



I've mentioned the same thing in one of my previous answers here: Ruchi Patel's answer to How could my boyfriend and I 'survive' a long distance relationship?
Long distance relationships are tough, it’s an established fact.
But that doesn’t mean they can’t be happy.
I’ve been in LDR for more than 3 years now and it has made me a better and stronger person.

My boyfriend and I have been 100% honest with each other since we got committed.
We do not see any reason why we need to lie to each other.
And this is the strong foundation of our relationship.

Things that have helped us stay together even while being in different continents for so long:
What we try to avoid:
In the last 3 years in our LDR both of us have completed our masters and landed decent jobs.
And in these 3 years we have loved each other even more because we know that we bring out the best in each other.
We have grown stronger as individuals and as a couple.

We look at ourselves as a team working for the same end goal despite being in different geographies.

And guess what, we’re getting married this December!


They do work.

But it is necessary to understand that while LDR share most of what a normal relationship does, it is important to point out that there are things that may work very differently.
What is “complimentary” in a normal relationship, may be essential in a long-distance relationship.

For instance, in most relationships, both parties are living pretty close to each other or within a reasonable distance, which lets them meet up often or with certain frequency.
Texting is a tool of communication, but not the base of it.

In long-distance relationships… Texting is the base of your communication.
You can’t see that person as often as you’d like because while at best they may live a couple hundred kilometers from you, at worst they may live in another continent entirely (which is my case).
You can’t meet with that person after you get from school or work, you can’t surprise them with a romantic dinner in middle of the week.

I feel like LDRs lack a bit of the spontaneity that normal relationships do, especially when it comes to making plans.
In a normal relationship you feel bored one afternoon and text your girlfriend if she wants to go to the cinema.
In long-distance relationships, most of your actual time together (physically) has been planned beforehand, at least to a certain extent.
Of course that people in “normal” relationships may also plan, but often there is no feeling of “limited time” or time constraints of any kind.

My boyfriend and I live in different continents.
Every trip to one place or the other has to be planned months in advance.
Not only because it is expensive and it costs money, but because our time is limited -and again, time and money- and that instance will probably be the only time we’ll get to be with each other in at least the next four months.

Another big wall we have is the time difference.
I’m a full 6 hours ahead of him.
When I wake up, he’s probably just gone to sleep.
He wakes up when I’m having lunch after I’m done with uni classes for the day.
When I’m having my afternoon snack, he’s having lunch.
He’s snacking when I’m having dinner- and he’s preparing dinner while I’m preparing to sleep.
I have a classmate who’s also in a LDR, but both of them live in Spain, and are in the same timezone.
They don’t have to think about “Oh, maybe he’s still sleeping at this hour and has his cellphone volume on, shouldn’t message him”.

But on the little times in which we are both online and able to talk to each other simultaneously, we do talk as much as we can.
Communication is the key in LDRs.
That person can’t spend time with you.
Many times the two of you still haven’t met in person or haven’t been around each other for long enough to know how the other will react in a certain situation.
All this gets replaced by SMS, WhatsApp messages, social media interactions, calls and videocalls.
Checking on each other several times during the day is one of the pillars of my relationship.
Many days I don’t really have the time to talk to my boyfriend for a long time- or the other way around, he’s the one who doesn’t- but I still wish him, at the very least, a great morning and day ahead and a great night of sleep, every single day.

Showing that you care with gestures other than just texting each other is also important.
It’s technically still “texting” anyway, but I sometimes leave random messages for my boyfriend here and there.
Facebook, Steam, Discord, you name it.
One afternoon I jokingly texted him, “Hey, it’s Saint Anthony in Portugal today, you should get me a manjerico”.
He replied something on the lines of, “Huh, they’re (flower shop) already closed”.
I thought he was joking so I laughed it off.

The next afternoon, to mine and my roommates’ stupor, I had flowers delivered to my apartment.

A LDR is like any other relationship.
It just takes a bit more of patience when it comes to some stuff, I guess.
It’s really weird to think that I do have a boyfriend, but that I barely see him, even though we’re in touch every single day, as much as we can.
I’ve learned (the hard way) that cuddling while watching a film is something that so many people take for granted.

That said, not only communication is important, as trust is what holds everything together.

If you’re very insecure on your relationship and your partner, and they live in another country- doubts will arise.
I am an insecure person myself, but those insecurities are geared towards me.
I completely trust my boyfriend, the same way he trusts me.
If we didn’t trust each other mutually it just wouldn’t work.

I feel like in LDRs, everything has to be planned to some extent.
When you’re in a “normal” relationship, you live close to that person.
You most likely don’t have a “Where are we going to settle down?” as a serious concern in your mind.

I do.

My boyfriend and I have been very honest regarding all this since the beginning- maintaining a LDR is harder than a “normal” relationship.
Like in a “normal” relationship, it won’t last long if your ideals or what you want in life (children, marriage, finances, etc) are a complete mismatch.
But in a LDR, you have to add something like an actual living place that is good for both parties to that big pot of concerns.

In the same way we plan our trips to see each other, we also need to know what we plan on doing in 5, 10 years if things go full steam ahead.
Because there’s many, many things at play here.
Unless we did a yolo and moved to a country that neither of us has ever lived on, one of us is going to stay away from family and friends for at least a year.
Which of the parties would be more comfortable doing that? Because you need to consider that there’s also a language and a cultural gap in there, which in “normal” relationships doesn’t normally happen, since both people are at least living in the same place already.

The thing with LDRs is- they’re complex, like any other relationship.
But on top of that, they have extra layers of complexity that sometimes may be honestly difficult to deal with.
LDRs are a rather recent phenomenon, and one that truly represents the globalization of our planet nowadays.
They do work, if both parties truly love and care for each other, and if they’ve got the tools to make it work.
Unfortunately like in any other relationship sometimes love may not be enough, but as long as something can be done to keep it going- it will advance.

It may take extra patience and communication, but when it works it is just as rewarding as if you were dating the boy next door.

Updated: 15.06.2019 — 5:43 pm

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